Relationships
Didn't write anything in the weekend as I planned ;-(. Well, I had a very good weekend, I just got some rest, reading my travel guide book to see what I can do during my trip...This time my aunt will also be there, she will arrive in VN just one day after me, so it will be quite a family reunion ;-).
The Chinese New year is coming, will be on 9th Feb, and there will be a celebration event organized by the Vietnamese community here. I am in for a performance ;-)) hehehe, a tradional dance, nothing special but I will be in!! I will let you know which day the event will be. Probably on the 13th or 12th Feb.
Anyway, enough of the bla bla...yesterday, I was thinking of one of my friend's mail. She wants to get married but she doesn't want to live with her husband family. A little explanation here, in Vietnam, when a girl get married, she usually has to live and take care of her husband's parents, be a good daughter in law (which means your husband's parents are your parents). There is always conflict between husband's mother and the wife or at least it happens quite often (I am searching a good website that has a detail explanation on this, will update it here). Nowadays, since women have become the main finance source in the family eventhough this is not officially considered, but if you travel to Vietnam, you will see 90% women work while the men are drinking coffee ;-(, they or at least the high educated women want to be more independent (have their own house..). So, I do understand my friend here. She is afraid to be expected to come home from work, and has to still take care of her husband's parents. Besides, "blood is thicker than water".
I was thinking of my friends, most of them in a relationship with a foreigner (I didn't meant it as different from a Belgian but other than their own nationalities), it seems fine. I don't know whether it is because they have reached the level of total understanding, they are good at compromising (so we speak) or it is because there are not a lot of gaps in values, and culture in their relationship (well, most of them are European). I think it is very interesting to see two persons from different backgound that has come together in harmony (I do not disregard the disputes that couples usually have because I think they come in as a "package", and that without them, a relation becomes mundanely and boring.)
I have idealized love very much! Love for me is you will give everything without asking for return (not that you will have to climb the highest mountain or swim the ocean) but financially speaking money or physical wealth becomes less important in your eyes. You won't care whom of you will spend more or earn more, whether you will have to have a document to state out who owns what (for the fear of having trouble in divorcing later). How can we build a long term relationship if we enter a relationship with a thought behind our minds that we will divorce? Physical wealth is something that comes and go, ou won't have them forever, but the people who are closed to us, they will be there.
I believe there is only one soulmate for each person, and I believe in re-incarnation. I prefer the explanation for two persons that meet and fall in love is because they have been matched, and if in their previous life, their partnership was broken up for any reasons and if they had made their oath to meet again this life to fulfill it. What's about two persons that meet, fall in love but they are not together for the rest of their lives? I think it is because they have not been matched, that is why there is only one person for each of us, but it's because nobody can forbid people to fall in love, not Buddha or God or else, but THE HIGHEST matcher (don't remeber the name of this fairy in Buddhism) can decide whether you will match or not. That's why love is sometimes sad.
The most frustrated thing when in love, I think it is when we find out we do not love anymore. It's strange...We meet a person, we like 'em, and the next thing we know is that we do not want to leave that person, we want to be with that person... Then one day we find out that we do not love them anymore. There are lots of reasons but still strange that we will feel indifferent towards that person who made us once feel butterflies in stomach or weak in our knee!!
I am not so convinced on maintaining friendship with ex-boyfriends or girlfriends after we find out we do not get along with them or things do not work out as we want. I THINK when this kind of friendship exists, it's because one of the two persons still has feeling for the other...It is not fair as well for the person who comes after...
People takes marriages very lightly, I don't know if it is a fashion that comes from the entertainment industry, but couples get married and divorce as if it is nothing. This is very sad. Marriage is a serious commitment when two persons decides to build a common life. Couples are now scared of getting married, their fear of divorcing. More than 50% of the people I spoke to have parents divorced. Moreover, the socially speaking, it is now an evident for a woman to stay single, have her own career, properties, and social accepted to live her single live until when she decides not to. Therefore, the age expectation for women to get married is extended longer, there is no biological clock that make women want to have chidlren, they fear to giving up their career or their freedom...Moreover, making a living is so hard that one person's earning is no enough to feed the whole family...Lots of issues...
The Chinese New year is coming, will be on 9th Feb, and there will be a celebration event organized by the Vietnamese community here. I am in for a performance ;-)) hehehe, a tradional dance, nothing special but I will be in!! I will let you know which day the event will be. Probably on the 13th or 12th Feb.
Anyway, enough of the bla bla...yesterday, I was thinking of one of my friend's mail. She wants to get married but she doesn't want to live with her husband family. A little explanation here, in Vietnam, when a girl get married, she usually has to live and take care of her husband's parents, be a good daughter in law (which means your husband's parents are your parents). There is always conflict between husband's mother and the wife or at least it happens quite often (I am searching a good website that has a detail explanation on this, will update it here). Nowadays, since women have become the main finance source in the family eventhough this is not officially considered, but if you travel to Vietnam, you will see 90% women work while the men are drinking coffee ;-(, they or at least the high educated women want to be more independent (have their own house..). So, I do understand my friend here. She is afraid to be expected to come home from work, and has to still take care of her husband's parents. Besides, "blood is thicker than water".
I was thinking of my friends, most of them in a relationship with a foreigner (I didn't meant it as different from a Belgian but other than their own nationalities), it seems fine. I don't know whether it is because they have reached the level of total understanding, they are good at compromising (so we speak) or it is because there are not a lot of gaps in values, and culture in their relationship (well, most of them are European). I think it is very interesting to see two persons from different backgound that has come together in harmony (I do not disregard the disputes that couples usually have because I think they come in as a "package", and that without them, a relation becomes mundanely and boring.)
I have idealized love very much! Love for me is you will give everything without asking for return (not that you will have to climb the highest mountain or swim the ocean) but financially speaking money or physical wealth becomes less important in your eyes. You won't care whom of you will spend more or earn more, whether you will have to have a document to state out who owns what (for the fear of having trouble in divorcing later). How can we build a long term relationship if we enter a relationship with a thought behind our minds that we will divorce? Physical wealth is something that comes and go, ou won't have them forever, but the people who are closed to us, they will be there.
I believe there is only one soulmate for each person, and I believe in re-incarnation. I prefer the explanation for two persons that meet and fall in love is because they have been matched, and if in their previous life, their partnership was broken up for any reasons and if they had made their oath to meet again this life to fulfill it. What's about two persons that meet, fall in love but they are not together for the rest of their lives? I think it is because they have not been matched, that is why there is only one person for each of us, but it's because nobody can forbid people to fall in love, not Buddha or God or else, but THE HIGHEST matcher (don't remeber the name of this fairy in Buddhism) can decide whether you will match or not. That's why love is sometimes sad.
The most frustrated thing when in love, I think it is when we find out we do not love anymore. It's strange...We meet a person, we like 'em, and the next thing we know is that we do not want to leave that person, we want to be with that person... Then one day we find out that we do not love them anymore. There are lots of reasons but still strange that we will feel indifferent towards that person who made us once feel butterflies in stomach or weak in our knee!!
I am not so convinced on maintaining friendship with ex-boyfriends or girlfriends after we find out we do not get along with them or things do not work out as we want. I THINK when this kind of friendship exists, it's because one of the two persons still has feeling for the other...It is not fair as well for the person who comes after...
People takes marriages very lightly, I don't know if it is a fashion that comes from the entertainment industry, but couples get married and divorce as if it is nothing. This is very sad. Marriage is a serious commitment when two persons decides to build a common life. Couples are now scared of getting married, their fear of divorcing. More than 50% of the people I spoke to have parents divorced. Moreover, the socially speaking, it is now an evident for a woman to stay single, have her own career, properties, and social accepted to live her single live until when she decides not to. Therefore, the age expectation for women to get married is extended longer, there is no biological clock that make women want to have chidlren, they fear to giving up their career or their freedom...Moreover, making a living is so hard that one person's earning is no enough to feed the whole family...Lots of issues...
posted by Vagabonder @ 1:24 PM
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