"The problem is do you still have the courage?"
A lot of talking, thinking during the weekend...
I cancelled meeting with Negina yesterday, didn't feel like seeing anyone, but appreciating everybody's love and care. Although couldn't escape Ruben, he said I had to go and learnt rollerblading because it was pity to not enjoy the beautiful weather ...(although I thought I have had enough, my back is really burnt, and hurts like h*ll). Plus my uncle kicked me out of the house, also said I should go, and expected me to come back home with a fresher face... So, I went to La Cambre, did rollerblading with Ruben, and met Katherine and Anna there.
I cried a lot when I talked to my uncle, he didn't like seeing me crying... He told me he couldn't help me if I lost my courage "We can do other things, but the problem is that do you still have the courage, you can take an MBA, and run a restarant at the same time, there are many things else to do, and you are lucky to work as an independent in your age...".
The other day when I called Brian to tell him that I have to look for a new job, decide on what I have to do...When he started to re-assure that everything will be fine, that anyway I don't like the job, I just burst into tears. I know I should not think too much about it, and there is still time for me to get on what I have to in mind. But still a bit sad, a bit disappointed, a bit upset, a bit lost, a bit undecisive...It's like everything has just stopped. I guess it is normal to be that way. Brian told me that he understands that I am feeling flat, but I should get some perspective, and what I am doing is just sort of an ends to a means, what I am going through now is just one step (granted it is a very steep one) to get me to where I want to be, I will be fine, and I will live to fight again another day...I guess he is right, it all make sense what he said...
I don't why it is bothering me that much, I suppose it's the change, and everything else that also not work happens at the same time... Maybe because I have two relationships that are not working ;-), my relationship with Sony, and another, which also occupies a big part of my mind. When it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to take decisions with the emotional part of our mind, and not the rational one, which we should. I remember last year Cris came to my place several times of the week, crying for a 3 years relationship that she had had with Han, she didn't want to go out, then there came Jeremy, she is now in love and about to start a new life ;-). It hurts so much every time I think that it is ok for him that I feel sad..He will understand if I tell him not to write or see me, well he always understands, I would be surprised if he gives any objections. He probably also thinks that this is going nowhere, and it's fair for me to take the decision. He doesn't want her to get hurt I guess, must love her very much. Anyway, maybe things will work well with Brian?
This morning I received an e-mail from a member of Bootsnall, she or he? just asked about my trip in China, and wondered if I have some infos, not an expert, but I feel a little happy just to talk about holidays ;-).
Nothing special tonite, want to get some rest...mind is about to explose.
I cancelled meeting with Negina yesterday, didn't feel like seeing anyone, but appreciating everybody's love and care. Although couldn't escape Ruben, he said I had to go and learnt rollerblading because it was pity to not enjoy the beautiful weather ...(although I thought I have had enough, my back is really burnt, and hurts like h*ll). Plus my uncle kicked me out of the house, also said I should go, and expected me to come back home with a fresher face... So, I went to La Cambre, did rollerblading with Ruben, and met Katherine and Anna there.
I cried a lot when I talked to my uncle, he didn't like seeing me crying... He told me he couldn't help me if I lost my courage "We can do other things, but the problem is that do you still have the courage, you can take an MBA, and run a restarant at the same time, there are many things else to do, and you are lucky to work as an independent in your age...".
The other day when I called Brian to tell him that I have to look for a new job, decide on what I have to do...When he started to re-assure that everything will be fine, that anyway I don't like the job, I just burst into tears. I know I should not think too much about it, and there is still time for me to get on what I have to in mind. But still a bit sad, a bit disappointed, a bit upset, a bit lost, a bit undecisive...It's like everything has just stopped. I guess it is normal to be that way. Brian told me that he understands that I am feeling flat, but I should get some perspective, and what I am doing is just sort of an ends to a means, what I am going through now is just one step (granted it is a very steep one) to get me to where I want to be, I will be fine, and I will live to fight again another day...I guess he is right, it all make sense what he said...
I don't why it is bothering me that much, I suppose it's the change, and everything else that also not work happens at the same time... Maybe because I have two relationships that are not working ;-), my relationship with Sony, and another, which also occupies a big part of my mind. When it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to take decisions with the emotional part of our mind, and not the rational one, which we should. I remember last year Cris came to my place several times of the week, crying for a 3 years relationship that she had had with Han, she didn't want to go out, then there came Jeremy, she is now in love and about to start a new life ;-). It hurts so much every time I think that it is ok for him that I feel sad..He will understand if I tell him not to write or see me, well he always understands, I would be surprised if he gives any objections. He probably also thinks that this is going nowhere, and it's fair for me to take the decision. He doesn't want her to get hurt I guess, must love her very much. Anyway, maybe things will work well with Brian?
This morning I received an e-mail from a member of Bootsnall, she or he? just asked about my trip in China, and wondered if I have some infos, not an expert, but I feel a little happy just to talk about holidays ;-).
Nothing special tonite, want to get some rest...mind is about to explose.
posted by Vagabonder @ 2:13 PM
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