When things go wrong...

We have had some sun during the last couple of weeks as spring slowly comes to our doors. Some of the plants on my little terrace burst with new flower buds as the temperature rises. It gives a pleasant feeling. On all that super optimistic notes, there is however a little sadness. My Mika is gonna have an operation. His health problems over the years have been mainly the sand that blocks his urine vessel and therefore results in greater pain when he pees. Recently the vet made a diagnosis that suggested that it would be better for him to have his penis cut in order to enlarge the vessel (literally speaking he will pee like a female cat) as compare to enter a tube and clean it every time he can't pee. Poor baby. Every time I look at his face, I couldn't help to feel sad and sorry for him, wouldn't be nice to lose a part of your body.

Anyway, it has turned into one of those rare moments that I start questioning my life and what I would have liked it to be. I notice that I have changed when it comes to different relations. I have become less demanding when it comes to friends, I rather accept them the way they are instead of expecting them to behave the way I behave towards them. With family? well, I am trying to be the person my grandparents, mom aunts, uncles would have liked me to be (admit that sometimes it is really hard). You would have asked why living up to the standards that other peole set? I suppose because most of the time these are the right standards/rules/traditions. You can change many things but not who you are. One of my friends has a Vietnamese friend who is dating an Indian guy. Indians rarely except a wedding of family member to a foreigner. So, the poor couple who live here and want to take the next logic step: getting married but the Indian guy's family seems to not willing to accept. Hmm, if it was me, I would rather tell the boyfriend to choose to be either modern-to go out with somebody who is not from the same culture and assume the choice or be traditional and marry someone from the same culture. Man, it's all about being assertive and show that "this is my choice, I know you are family, so either be part of it or let me live my life".

I remember when my uncle got married to his ex-wife, nobody in the family was awared until the later some of neighbour who met him here told our family that his wife was a foreigner ;-). Now I think about it, my grandparents are really cool, modern old folks. They are open-minded because they have so much love for their children. They would accept my mom got married when she finishes her highschool (when she should have got into university). Then again, it was time of war, many things did not go the way they wanted, otherwise my mom would have to enter university like they expected me to or that I was not allow to date even when I was already at the first year of university ;-). When I was 16 years, I rode my bike to a friend's house who lives near to us to chit chat with her about this guy that I liked ;-), and my grandfather got so upset when I got back after 10pm ;-) (I was supposed to be home before 9pm). From the first crush until the first love at 20 years, they were pretty much romantic and sweet ;-). I went to sleep thinking about them, the short conversation we had when we met on the way, my awkwardness when I saw them or the embarrassment when one of them said "wow, you are really tall" when I got off my bike as they followed me to school (me on my bicycle in the white Vietnamese long dress). I remember telling my mom that, she laughed real hard. I remember writing many love letters and keeping them under my bed until my mom found out ;-).

Love was much more innocent, beautiful and sweet. Love to me, in our modern lives has become more selfish, less assured, more doubts, hesitations where everyone thinks what best for them as opposed to what best for those they love. Have I lost faith in love? Maybe or am I just looking for a little bit more of romance? ;-)