Facing yourself
I came back from the monastery (it is not really a monastery, just a small pagoda that VNese monks and nuns established here in Brussels), stayed there from Saturday morning until now. So, almost three days without phone, TV, nothing but me.
I felt so sick on Friday evening that I thought I should really need a place to give my mind peace. I did a lot of meditation last couple of days, this month is the month where we have to pray for lost soul to find their places. So, lots of prayers as well...
You will probably ask if I find peace at the end. I sat in front of many buddha statues together with the nuns, of course the nuns were keen on whispering their prayers, I tried to concentrate but I couldn't. My brain turned around with many questions... I asked why some people suffer when they fall in love, why is there one country poorer than the other? why is there some people died satisfied, some do not? why I am loved but i still not am happy? Will I be punished for what I did? why some children were born being disable? why is there war? why some people are hunger? why is there sadness in this world?...
Then I heard a voice telling me we suffer when we fall in love because we are incapable of generous loving, of forgiveness, of giving, of being content with what we have, of understanding, of being supportive, of being honest, of being brave to accept what we did wrong and correct it...We often forget that there are always consequences to our actions. We should live respectively without disturbing other people. It is understandable to make mistakes, but we should learn from it, take actions to correct it...
Me, I faced myself. I don't know how many times I feel guilty for the thing I do, there are things I even so embarrased to actually think how on earth I could do that. But please forgive me for my mistakes, I accept the punishment on me later on. The wheel of life continues, everything happens with a meaning, and I think YOU create it. For once, I will let myself love and being loved without restrains, and yes if the price I pay is high, it will be worth it!
Today, I don't ask for forgiveness, but I pray that my furture acts will not hurt many people. And I hope if by chance it hurts someone, please let problems be solved now, so we don't own each other any more.
And you? did you ever face your own conciousness?
I felt so sick on Friday evening that I thought I should really need a place to give my mind peace. I did a lot of meditation last couple of days, this month is the month where we have to pray for lost soul to find their places. So, lots of prayers as well...
You will probably ask if I find peace at the end. I sat in front of many buddha statues together with the nuns, of course the nuns were keen on whispering their prayers, I tried to concentrate but I couldn't. My brain turned around with many questions... I asked why some people suffer when they fall in love, why is there one country poorer than the other? why is there some people died satisfied, some do not? why I am loved but i still not am happy? Will I be punished for what I did? why some children were born being disable? why is there war? why some people are hunger? why is there sadness in this world?...
Then I heard a voice telling me we suffer when we fall in love because we are incapable of generous loving, of forgiveness, of giving, of being content with what we have, of understanding, of being supportive, of being honest, of being brave to accept what we did wrong and correct it...We often forget that there are always consequences to our actions. We should live respectively without disturbing other people. It is understandable to make mistakes, but we should learn from it, take actions to correct it...
Me, I faced myself. I don't know how many times I feel guilty for the thing I do, there are things I even so embarrased to actually think how on earth I could do that. But please forgive me for my mistakes, I accept the punishment on me later on. The wheel of life continues, everything happens with a meaning, and I think YOU create it. For once, I will let myself love and being loved without restrains, and yes if the price I pay is high, it will be worth it!
Today, I don't ask for forgiveness, but I pray that my furture acts will not hurt many people. And I hope if by chance it hurts someone, please let problems be solved now, so we don't own each other any more.
And you? did you ever face your own conciousness?
posted by Vagabonder @ 5:21 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home