Culture differences and general relationship
I have been replying to so many mails this morning that I think sometimes I write almost the same thing to everybody :-). I have not written to anybody since I left Sony apart from some short mails to colleagues but a real mail to some good friends was just staying in the "pipeline". Talking about writing, today I can't think of another subject less banal than the title at the time being :-). Lately, I have been coincidently falling into discussions (somehow most of them) related to MONEY.
These discussions made me think of how my friends in the West deals with money as opposed to those from home. Take BD party as an example, but before that, I should give a bit of explanation about the notion of BD party in VN. There is a huge difference regarding BD between here and there :-). We don't celebrate BD, well maybe now younger generation is celebrating it, but is is another influence from the West. When I was younger, there was no BD, only people who want to show off organised BD party. Besides, even if my mom wanted to organise BD party for me or my sister, she couldn't, she was busy working to earn money. It was already good enough that we could go to school and attend university. Of course, my sister was luckier, when I left VN, mom organised BD parties for her every year. The first time I had my BD party was the first year in university when my friends organised for me, they came to my place, shopping, cooking, mom didn't have to do anything, i didn't want my mom to cook, and I didn't even know how to make rice. So no party :-)
Whereas here, BD is supposed to be a big celebration, well, it's the day you were born, and for your parents, it is also a big day. Therefore, you do not have to do anything but enjoy.
In VN, the person who has his/her BD has to pay for everything or at least invite everybody a dinner, because people who come bring gifts.
For marriages, guys please close your ears, you don't want to hear this :-)), the guys' family has to organise, and pay the dinner. Btw, parents pay, not the bride or the groom :-). Food has to be good, and you should not forget to invite anybody closed to you. It is a disrespect sign if you do so. But then, there is no importance about the place you organise for the wedding, just having enough food and drinks for everyone.
Now taking an usual dating experience, the guys have to pay from A to Z in VN (no wonder why-women have to pay back later once they get married :-)). When you go out with a friend, one will pay for all, we rarely divide or more extreme we don't just pay for our own drinks. and of course, it will be in turn, and noone is unhappy about that. It is a fair play, guaranteed!!
For me, money is a source that comes and goes, it never stays with you, only friends and family. So, I pay very little attention about it. As long as I am happy, my friends are happy, money is the last thing I care about. If I am broke, I won't go out, and things are just as simple as that. Family, friends first, and then me. They are priceless.
I don't celebrate BD, and re wedding, I want to have a small one (well, if later on I get married :-)) with family and friends, nothing more important than having the right man. Having a big fancy wedding is really just a waste of money. You can have many weddings, but only one real husband. In fact, I think I only want to have a wedding because of my mom and grandmom, it is not good for a Vnese girl to live with someone without a marriage, and I am sure they will be unhappy if I don't have one, otherwise no wedding is even better :-). No party, no speech, no dance on the floor, no cutting cake, too clumsy when it comes to this sort of thing :-). Oops, talking about wedding, my mom's BD is this Friday, have to give her a call, usually my best friend will probably bring her a BD cake, he usually does that.
Lately, I have a lot of flashes back, about childhood, and old memories with friends, dates...
I remember when I passed almost thousands of other students to get into National University in Saigon, SouthEast studies department, the day they announced the result, mom took me to see, and we were looking at the board, I was quite nervous, still remembered how my hands were shaking as my eyes went through the board. "Mom, I think I fail, my name is not on the list"- almost crying of course :-). A woman heard that, she turned to us "oh no, honey the golden board is over there". That board was much smaller (I wonder why they also put a board of those who failed??), and there it was "Pham Thi Thu Thao, total passing grade (of Math, Vietnamese Litterature, and English) 27/30, department Southeast, major China". You can't imagin how overwhelmed my mom was, and I couldn't ride my bike home :-). Mom couldn't wait to tell grandparents, and the next day, my grandmother ordered a whole grilled pig, a big party btw, which none of my friends were present. No no, not that they didn't come, it was because most of the girls were not admitted to university, so I decided not to tell them about the party, i didn't want them to feel bad about me passing, have party, then they had to come to congratulate me. I could have invited the boys, most of them entered engineer or architect department but it could become a serious misunderstanding otherwise. For the record, if you want to have a better future in VN, you better have a university degree otherwise forget it, especially for girls. So, the last year in highschool is very tough, I had to study from 4 in the morning...
Anyway, I think I am homesick...
These discussions made me think of how my friends in the West deals with money as opposed to those from home. Take BD party as an example, but before that, I should give a bit of explanation about the notion of BD party in VN. There is a huge difference regarding BD between here and there :-). We don't celebrate BD, well maybe now younger generation is celebrating it, but is is another influence from the West. When I was younger, there was no BD, only people who want to show off organised BD party. Besides, even if my mom wanted to organise BD party for me or my sister, she couldn't, she was busy working to earn money. It was already good enough that we could go to school and attend university. Of course, my sister was luckier, when I left VN, mom organised BD parties for her every year. The first time I had my BD party was the first year in university when my friends organised for me, they came to my place, shopping, cooking, mom didn't have to do anything, i didn't want my mom to cook, and I didn't even know how to make rice. So no party :-)
Whereas here, BD is supposed to be a big celebration, well, it's the day you were born, and for your parents, it is also a big day. Therefore, you do not have to do anything but enjoy.
In VN, the person who has his/her BD has to pay for everything or at least invite everybody a dinner, because people who come bring gifts.
For marriages, guys please close your ears, you don't want to hear this :-)), the guys' family has to organise, and pay the dinner. Btw, parents pay, not the bride or the groom :-). Food has to be good, and you should not forget to invite anybody closed to you. It is a disrespect sign if you do so. But then, there is no importance about the place you organise for the wedding, just having enough food and drinks for everyone.
Now taking an usual dating experience, the guys have to pay from A to Z in VN (no wonder why-women have to pay back later once they get married :-)). When you go out with a friend, one will pay for all, we rarely divide or more extreme we don't just pay for our own drinks. and of course, it will be in turn, and noone is unhappy about that. It is a fair play, guaranteed!!
For me, money is a source that comes and goes, it never stays with you, only friends and family. So, I pay very little attention about it. As long as I am happy, my friends are happy, money is the last thing I care about. If I am broke, I won't go out, and things are just as simple as that. Family, friends first, and then me. They are priceless.
I don't celebrate BD, and re wedding, I want to have a small one (well, if later on I get married :-)) with family and friends, nothing more important than having the right man. Having a big fancy wedding is really just a waste of money. You can have many weddings, but only one real husband. In fact, I think I only want to have a wedding because of my mom and grandmom, it is not good for a Vnese girl to live with someone without a marriage, and I am sure they will be unhappy if I don't have one, otherwise no wedding is even better :-). No party, no speech, no dance on the floor, no cutting cake, too clumsy when it comes to this sort of thing :-). Oops, talking about wedding, my mom's BD is this Friday, have to give her a call, usually my best friend will probably bring her a BD cake, he usually does that.
Lately, I have a lot of flashes back, about childhood, and old memories with friends, dates...
I remember when I passed almost thousands of other students to get into National University in Saigon, SouthEast studies department, the day they announced the result, mom took me to see, and we were looking at the board, I was quite nervous, still remembered how my hands were shaking as my eyes went through the board. "Mom, I think I fail, my name is not on the list"- almost crying of course :-). A woman heard that, she turned to us "oh no, honey the golden board is over there". That board was much smaller (I wonder why they also put a board of those who failed??), and there it was "Pham Thi Thu Thao, total passing grade (of Math, Vietnamese Litterature, and English) 27/30, department Southeast, major China". You can't imagin how overwhelmed my mom was, and I couldn't ride my bike home :-). Mom couldn't wait to tell grandparents, and the next day, my grandmother ordered a whole grilled pig, a big party btw, which none of my friends were present. No no, not that they didn't come, it was because most of the girls were not admitted to university, so I decided not to tell them about the party, i didn't want them to feel bad about me passing, have party, then they had to come to congratulate me. I could have invited the boys, most of them entered engineer or architect department but it could become a serious misunderstanding otherwise. For the record, if you want to have a better future in VN, you better have a university degree otherwise forget it, especially for girls. So, the last year in highschool is very tough, I had to study from 4 in the morning...
Anyway, I think I am homesick...
posted by Vagabonder @ 9:12 PM
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