A wreck

I don't know how to begin this post. I am just writing it because writing on paper diary does not seem to help. Too many thoughts. When I am sitting on the train, looking at the misty windows, out to the complete white scenes, the snow covered on the trees, on the fields, on the houses where the smoke coming out of their chimneys, I thought 'gosh, I have not seen anything anything that is so ordinary but so beautiful at the same time'. This is why even though there is time I despise winter because of the coldness, the lack of sunlights, I also love it somehow.

Things are not great at the moment. I am actually not feeling good at all. I have this constant feeling of stomach sickness, like a very tied knot. I have indeed used many ways and technics to loose the knot but nothing really helps. When the sun goes down, the light goes out, I am again alone with thoughts and tears. It hurts, it burns..and I am feeling helpless. Some wounds can never heal, I guess.

I was able to catch up with some friends earlier this week because the holidays are coming, some of them go away or go home. Holidays is the time where you can write cards to friends, family to tell them how much you love them, how much you are grateful to have them in your life, how great they are...so I was told as well. I am blessed, the good things your friends tell you are the things to keep you moving further in life.

I don't really get why some of us are afraid of getting old. I am feeling better and better when I age. No seriously, imagin how many things you could have avoid knowing them now? to me, the older I get, the older I feel more open to other person's experiences. Five years ago if someone share their work experiences, life experiences, children experiences...I would have said (to myself) "yeah, whatever :-)" but now I would find myself nodding, maybe I don't agree with everything but at least, I don't mind listening. That goes with books, some books I read a few years ago, I have different views about them now. I guess as you grow olders, you surely perceive life differently, maturely and yes, life experiences serve well.

Anyway, already end of the week, next week is Xmas and the week after, we are entering a new year. Time goes by so quickly and it can do so much to you. I hope next week will bring more joy.