Challenges in life

I would like to use this blog to share my reflection of the day and also to remember my grandma since today is my grandma's death anniversary. It has already been a year.

Recently, I have been exposed to many spiritual views of life, and to be honest, I wish that one day I could finally live my life more spiritually, I am working on that at least. One of my loved ones gave me a book called "Mission Success" of Og Madino. I am not usually a big fan on motivational book, I believe each of us has that self motivation or strenghths to get through obtacles in life. However, one thing I agree with Og is that life is a mission, and "every day is life in mininature". The truth is when we start asking questions of how much it worth our freedom, how much it worth our health, how much it worth our hands, feet or our minds, we surely start realising how much we have already got to get through problems. Maybe motivational books are not there to help us but to remind us how we should open my eyes, our souls to the game of life. If we fail to see, we will fail the game and our world will be filled more with greed, with hate, with jealousy that will drag us down.

I have canceled my trip to Turkey, something I was very much looking forward to. No need to tell you how much I disppointed, not because of the money I had spent in advance on flight and hotels but I was disappointed to not being able to see or to do the things I had planned. Even today i still can't hide my disappointment. This morning, I decide to go back to " I will forget yesterday, with all its trials and tribulations, aggravations and setbacks, angers and frustrations. The past is already a dream from which I can neither retrieve a single word nor erase any foolish deeds" to remind myself that I could do nothing to change my past.

Many times in life, we are challenged with difficulties or problems that we think that is beyond our reach. In fact, when one door is closed, there is surely another door opens for us. There are too many bigger problems. If we pray for our problems, aren't we selfish since the problem is too minor compare to for example what the people of Japan are facing right now. Sometimes, there seems to be no light in a dark tunnel, but if we still have that endurance that is given to us, we can continue walking until we see that light.

I have that anger that is within me and for a long time, I tried to suppress it, maybe I should start facing it. Why am I angry? because I want... Yes, what if I no longer 'want' ? that's the point, if I stop wanting, if I stop to desire, then I am freed from that anger of not getting it. So, today, I meditate on that thought, I pray that Buddha gives me the strength to accept and see things in their raw states. I pray on my forgiveness, for to forgive I will be relieved from pain. " I will not waste no even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvesh, because every action, good or bad is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day".

I just like to spend this day thinking of my grandma and to pray that her soul is now with Buddha or that she has stepped into the next circle of the dharma wheel. I would like to nurture her love for us, her strength to protect our family.

I will live generously today.