"Catch me if you can"

Two weeks ago, one of my friends asked if I could adopt a canary since she and her partner are moving away. I thought about it, I would love very much to adopt their cute little canary, certainly they wouldn't ask if I was not going to love the bird like they do. However, I had to decline it. The idea of having a living little thing kept in a cage saddens me. If I adopt a bird, I will let it out flying around the house (my cats are friendly ones anyway ;-) and even with that surely it is still not a healthy environment for it. I thought about how terrible one would feel to be trapped in a small space, one must yearn for freedom or else why do we have so many freedom fighters or for human rights?

I am feeling hurtful and the feeling is so great that I could barely find my sleep. I try to get sleep but tears keep coming down. My heart is trapped in the most willing way that one could imagine. I found love but I have obtained its shadow. One I can see clearly but I will never be able to catch. Some words are so powerful that they are like a knife cutting through you and strike into my heart. An undescriptive pain, one you should never know.

I pray for the pain to lessen so I can find strength to continue loving. I pray for my release. I pray to have more love so I could love generously. And for now, I pray that I find peace in my mind so I can find my sleep. Please talk to me and tell me would this all be worth it? Please talk to me and tell me that I am loved the way I have always wanted to be. Please answer me why I am told I am loved but it hurt so much?

Am I ready for this love? One that consumes, one that exhausts, one that makes no demand yet many were asked of.

Will I ever feel love?