Upcoming plans

Well, after my trekking trip to Nepal in autumn, I have a few plans coming up, that is to follow dutch course again (yes, I know). My plan is to be able to acquire a good level of writing in this language (apart from being to day to day conversation, please).

I will also try to paint and cook again next year. I have missed those activities quite a lot. I have been busy with my reading and a few travel trips for work.

In the mean time, I will at least enjoy a long weekend trip to England, visiting Shakespeare house!

Check out Nepal here in our Thao and Sofia in the land of Yeti

Roman Holidays

Unresponsive

Yes, this is what I feel at the moment. I am not sure if it is a good or bad, I just know that it feels like I am floating without any particular purpose.

I guess it is not good...We should all have a passion to achieve something, small or big or at least have a purpose. Maybe we can call that a mild depression or maybe this is a result of a long period of sleep deprivation. It is a strange sensation, it is as if someone can poke me hard and I still will not react.

Anyway, I went to Rome for a couple of days, a very short trip, just to get some fresh air, away from unhappy thoughts, see new faces, be in a new city, eat different foods, have fun. I did all that ;-). It was a culturally rich trip, so many things to see, to learn, to experience. I have always enjoyed being in Italy even though France has already been on the top of my list of favourite country in EU, maybe Italy is second? hmm. I like being where people have a definite way of enjoying life and project that to others around them. I think the French have certainly mastered the art of entertainment very well. Honestly, all the troubles with cutlery, the protocol for a formal dinner...but you also have the lifestyle where you need little as good bread and cheese and a bottle of good wine, sitting next to the river in the sun, enjoy all of that. Sometimes, when I see that, I think life couldn't be better. This scenery always make me dream of how simple life can be if we want to.

The similarity is probably both French and Italian take time to eat and drink, it takes forever, and it involves the know-how of eating ;-), what dish is what, how to...I am always amazed. I like both languages, they both speak love ;-), so lovely even though we might not understand a word but they just sound so great. Hmm, I should probably stop here, my mind starts to wonder :-)

Rome with its long, amazing history, with its many piazzas, many beautiful churches, many palaces, its people walk around in sun-glasses, with its fountains, with its street arts, with the way people cross the streets without waiting for the traffic to stop, with friendly people, with the sun shines as if rain has ever come...My heart melted.

The subject of letters

I am staring at the screen, trying to focus my mind on something, I mean just something as right now I have a hardly doing so. I am not sure what I want to write about. Maybe some of stuff I want to write about, I have already written and so I am not in mood to write about that. I am sort of feeling numb at the moment, I am not sure what I feel, I just go with a flow, I guess.

Anyway, I have found nice stationary, so I will start writing letters again. I feel like doing that after reading so many beautiful letters, maybe in the mood that I am now, I should not have read a love letter book, it is depressing but the truth is when I am feel slightly blue, I like to read them to embrace or face my own pain. A way to let the pain be.

I have always liked letters, some of the things I can't seem to express verbally, I find much easier to write them. The pressing of pencil or pen on papers, the stuff you write but you can't erase easily, it always leaves mark. The content seems more sincere and real. When I was younger, I fancied having a good quality ink pen because we used to have this messy pen where you had to dip the tip of the pen into ink, wrote a short sentence and repeated the step again instead of having a pen where you could change the ink tube. My fingers were all the time messy with ink marks, not to mention the ink was also dropped on my school uniform. We had to write beautifully, too. In fact, a good pupil was defined on how beautiful their hand writing was.

We often say that no words can describe a certain feeling but when I start writing, I can always manage to say my mind. Letters always start with a nice civilized greeting and when you write to someone you care for, letters can always ended with a loving word but that concludes everything, your feeling, your mind...

Dear....

Maybe the next time I write a new post, it will begin with a copy of my letter...

When things go wrong...

With the grey, cold and wet weather goes on outside, I couldn't help retrospecting of some of things that could have gone or done differently.

Regrets? Not really because if one thing does not happen, others open up, in a way, it is like instead of taking the short way to an endpoint, we often fall into a path that is longer and requires almost double or triple attention, energy, strength...etc. I wonder why. Why do we often miss the bus of life? In some cases, it almost takes a lifetime to get where we want to be.

I have been thinking about my dad. When you were young, you did not understand but at this stage in life, I often think about him. Mind you, I don't regret not having my dad around but what if I knew him. I have always been someone who give other people chances, I don't just shut them out, my strength most of the time but weakness sometimes as long as the reason for a mistake comprehensive enough. After all, we are not perfect.

I am not saying that it is all bad when something could, should, would...Sometimes it happens for the best because one door closes but many doors open and maybe that is the problem. We are overwhelmed with choices and opportunities that we are not ready for. When this happens, if we don't see clearly, we will take the choice that leads us to an even longer road. There goes the Murphy laws. Happens to me all the time :-) even though I am mostly happy with the outcomes, it is karma :-). Things will come around. So, I guess it is important to open our heart and free our mind to watch out for the signs. All things happen for a reason, that's what make life a bit spicier, tougher, more interesting, and challenging or else we would have slept on out feet but the earth still turns.

So, I guess, there is nothing really goes wrong, some unfortunate events, yes but they still mean something, maybe they say "hold on, the roller coaster begins, enjoy the ride!". Yes, there will be pain but maybe it all worth it!

Tuscany Spring 2012

My Vietnamese friends ;-)

I don't know whether it is dreadful weather of the last few days or my mom's stories of grandparents that have induced me into thinking a lot more of my Vietnamese friends.

The 'On the road" movie also gives memory of a few years of younger youth, where at a secondary, I used to escape extra courses to an air-conditioned karaoke place, having my first taste of Heineken beers with a group of troubled friends. Yes, trying to define who I was, to feel the sense of belonging to a group of cool people, who couldn't care less about other stuff than just having fun with friends. While a group of youngsters who were in our same age in Europe would be experiencing sex, smoking, hard drinking, I and my friends would gather at a friend's place to make beef fondue (thit bo nhung dam) and bought a lot of Heineken. We didn't have money, so usually we just gathered and started to put in money to buy stuff, one of the girls was already dating an older guy (she was pregnant and got married before we finished high school, she now lives in Australia) so he would buy beers for us (I am not sure my mom would have liked to know this :-). One thing we all were spoiled was that we all had a scooter, so we could already cruise in the hot humid weather of Saigon in search of latest cool karaoke place where we could sing the whole afternoon the cheesy Vietnamese songs and then went home. We also took trip with a skinny ugly physic teacher but he was cool in organizing fun trip away from Saigon, we went to the hot spring, singing in groups, playing games and camped the night (no tents, btw, just a big bon fire) in group where we talked about boys ;-). Mind you, none of us fancied boys in our classroom, it was either boys from other school or boys in the neighbourhood or boys at university ;-).

Then came the last year where everybody needed to seriously prepared to enter university. It was one of steps that only lucky Vietnamese youths can experience because not only it costed money but also it was ( and is worse now) so difficult to get in because there were not enough places for everyone, so you had to secure your place by passing the entry exams after passing the exams to get your secondary diploma. Most of my friends did not make it, I did not think I make it. I remembered the day I knew the national university posted the exam results, I wouldn't care less, unfortunately my mom knew, so I had to come with her to the university board to see whether I was in. We were looking at the board where they posted the results of failed students and thought it was those who passed and got in, I scanned the board and turned to tell my mom "Mom, my name is not on here, I failed". A lady who was standing next to me heard me, she said you those who passed had their names posted over there...So, we went there, it made sense because the board with those passed was much smaller, less names on it, my name was on it. My mom did not say a lot. She said "lets tell grandpa that you failed" :-), she was the first to say 'she passed" when we got home. My grandma bought a big roasted piggy, invited so many people to celebrate and I did not invite any of my friends because they fell, so what's all the parade of me passing...

I remembered wondering what it would be like being away from friends that had been hanging out for several years. I fell so sad then.

In the fall, my first day in university, we were given the program, I got into the anthropology department, Southeast Asian and Chinese studies, so a lot of serious Chinese languages, culture, history...etc for us. I made new friends :-). Friends with whom I hang out with for almost two years, friends with whom I spent precious hours on eating street foods after school, friends with whom I did day trip where I rode my scooter, friends who had lunch at my place when we had military lessons, friends with whom I slept over with before travelling...It was a different type of friendship, one that was much more mature than with my secondary friends. Friends with whom we talked about boyfriends or boys that we would one day wanted to be married to ;-). Friends who called me when I was comfortable skipped school to tell me that there was a test, friends with whom I spent time criticizing the boys and girls who dated and held their hands in front of us :-). We were boyish and at the same time so romantic in our own way.

Oh, I so miss my friends!

"Free Viet Khang, Free Viet Nam"

Since last year demonstration against the Chinese's invasion of Truong Sa island, Vo Minh Tri-aka Viet Khang, a  musician who wrote two songs to voice his concerns about Viet Nam and its people had been imprisoned and we do not know his fate. I love love his song 'Anh la ai?-Who are you?" which questioned the authority of Vietnamese polices who have beaten the demonstrators. 

Everyone is upset, everyone concerns about the fate of our beloved VN. Young children work hard to sustain family needs, they can't go to school because of the heavy daily chores. Girls are sold into foreign brothels, Guys are exported to work in foreign countries in poor working conditions. Vietnamese have ever become cheaper and disrespect as moment. The colour of VN is blacken with sadness, the mother of VN is crying for her children. 

I am worried. People will fight and more will die. Chaos will be in the streets of VN. What's about the poor people who are trapped in the country? I ever feel like my blood is burning inside me, that greatest love for my beautiful country when I hear "Where is my Viet Nam?'