Storms in life

We have not had any snow so far but the weather is getting colder this week. This morning when I got out of the house, I could immediately feel the freezing cold, the frost that stayed on the top of the car roofs as well as on the very small piece of soil in front of my house made me trembled.

I have been feeling a bit disoriented for the last several weeks, to be exact since the beginning of the year. The bewilderment has pushed me a bit into being sulky. I look for reasons. Maybe that is due to a sleep deprived that I have had, no matter whether I go to bed late or early, I always find my mind awake in the middle of the night or early morning and it starts a life of it owns. It talks and I find myself talking to it for as long as I can until I doze off into a sleep full of strange dreams. Yeah, I am officially losing my mind! I am also experiencing a constant stress due to personal matters like many of us, once in while, when it comes to family and others but recently I feel like I can't no longer take it. It weighs heavily and I feel the need of having an extra shoulder to lean on for a while. Anyway, just another storm to agitate my soul, it will calm and it will pass.

I went to movie and saw "Shame" in the weekend. I am not sure whether I like it or hate it. It is a mixed feeling. I feel sorry for the main character who can't overcome his addiction, to be so lonely even though it seems that he has a successful career or at least that's what the director wants to give a portray of. Otherwise, the French movie, "Intouchable" is an amazing movie, I have not seen a good French movie for a long time, it is pleasant, it warms my heart and give a lot of hope to the future of humanity.

The Dragon

So, the year of dragon is finally here. Some people have plans to get pregnant this year since they believe it is a good year to have a baby. I have been told that this year is a good year to get married :-), mind you, I did not even ask for the info. The truth is when you are Vietnamese, you should always expect the unexpected in the company of other Vietnamese, especially those who are older. I have got "I have many times wishing you to get married, so I hope this year you will get married" (&*%* #). The best comes from my mom " I hope my daughter will give me a little grand-child this year". What's about mom is wanting to get rid of me rather than wanting a grandchild hic hic hic. D*mn, maybe I am O.L.D (makes me shiver)

One of my friends comes back to Brussels for a visit during the holidays. It was good to see her and it also brought back a lot of memories. It is amazing to realize that many things have happened over the years but the attachment that we have with other people still does not change and I am glad. However, I want to write a separate post for this. Someone told me blogging is such a thing of the past, now, it is a time for Twitter/Facebook...etc, I have never been one who follows the trend, anyway. Writing has always been an effective way for me to let my thoughts flow free. An escape door to a different world.

To come back to my previous post, about friendship, in this one, I would like to mention that I have also made a new male friend. Now, if you are my friends, you would know that I strongly believe in destiny and therefore chance meetings have always been a big interest as I have had only good experiences (Knock wood).    I met this new friend on the street, I am not a big fan of being stopped on the street but that day, I stopped (and although I had a little big of regret afterward, I am glad I did stop and followed by a drink some weeks later), turns out I have made a nice friend. Never lose faith or think that people try to get to know you for other purposes than just to make friends.

So, this year of Dragon hopefully will bring me new interesting friends, not that I have lost faith in finding them. Did I mention I am taking tango? it is a nice way to meet people and have fun. I guess I should always look for signs. Like this morning, someone sends me a quote by Abraham Lincoln " You are only as happy ad you make your mind to me". 

With that, I wish everyone of us will be happy this year!

Friendship

I have recently acquainted a new friend. You might have frown and thought 'so what?". I would have done so in the past. The truth is when I first arrived in Belgium and experienced the culture shock, new country, not speaking the language, dark and cold weather, you go home, you stay in instead of calling friends, meeting up to eat street foods...etc. I missed my friends in VN so much, I could still see the days I ran home from school and found a letter in the mailbox, I just closed the entrance, read the letter and re-read and re-read with my tears and wrote a reply immediately. I was lucky enough to find good friends in school here (with whom I still remain friends with and hard to imagine now what would it be to not know them in my life). I remember the night out, the cooking dinner, the getting drunk and hugging the toilet ;-), the being asked for a price ;-).

Anyway, I have always had this excitement whenever I meet a new person with whom I immediately feel so close with. You know, that feeling of connection as if you know that you will get along and be friends forever. I have to say that I have lost feeling a bit over the years. I become much more cautious when I meet someone new, especially when that person appears to be too 'good' or have too many similarities with me. Maybe it is because I am getting older? For whatever the reason is, I do not like this side of my older version :-).

To make the story short, I met this nice Vietnamese girl and although I really like her, I have this feeling like there is something insincere about her, so am unsure to be friend with her. When I want to become friends with someone, I really am a friend, I don't like being diplomatic, a friend is a friend for everything, not only for going out...Again, am I getting old? BTW, did I mention she is a fashion designer? :-) did I mention she quit her job as IT consultant, studied fashion and graduated when she was 32 years? Absolutely, my type of girls :-) and she is Vietnamese, that is like icing on a cake ;-).

In VN, when a male person that is a big older, you usually address that person as " brother XXX" or "Uncle XXX" ...etc but some Vietnamese males here do not like that, they want to be called " brother XXX" when they are 30 years older than I am. Of course, it does not matter the way you address the person since it is rather up to them to decide how much respect they want to have. I usually look at these them as potential 'guys who divorce their Vnese wives for younger Vnese women". Again, am I judgmental?

*** to be continued***

2012- The Dragon

For some of you, talking about NY now might be a little too late but as you know my NY has not come and because I live in Belgium, I can celebrate NY twice :-). I can pretend the Western NY is not my NY, I am just dragged along celebrating, having fun and when the real NY comes, I celebrate it AGAIN.

Anyway, 2011 wasn't so bad but it was not an exceptional year, a year where you would tell you children "that  year, the year 2011 was so exceptional because...". I spent my days staring out in 2011, let thoughts roams in my mind, one thought to another. I thought about where would be my next travel destinations, I thought of new friends I met in 2011, I thought of whether mom is still happy in Belgium, I thought of my haft sister who got married in Oct, I thought of a friend who gave birth to a baby boy, I thought of friends who got married, I thought of what I would like to do...etc. Most of the thinking that happens in my mind contributes to what I would like to live my life. I have those moments where I start doubting whether my life has a meaning. I mean we have a short life on this earth and it would be really nice if at the end of our days, we die knowing that our lives have been meaningful or worth it. I don't know. Am I talking crazy?

I have had problems with sleeping, I go to bed no matter at which hour, I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking. Too much excitements or wanting too much? So, I think 2012, the dragon year might turn out to have big changes for me. I might want to quit job move somewhere or I might take a really long break travelling to really recharge and come back with new ideas and experiences. I don't like that feeling of unbalanced when something is stuck and not in your power to make a leap forward. When I feel unhappy, my mind seems to 'marinate' thoughts in my mind and I let them soaked,absorbed and simmered at lower heat until they turn to the boiling point :-). That is where I need to get them out or I become a crazy person, I usually choose the former.

They say the year where your sign is held, that is you are a dragon in the year of dragon, most likely you will be unlucky (yeah, please bear with me, my superstitious mind is on). When I tell my friends who are dragon, they all chuck and mindfully think, scratch their head to try to remember of those years where it was their sign what had happened to them :-). My consolations probably would be the more you pay attention, you more you feel unlucky :-). Since maybe we are in Belgium, wouldn't it be more appropriate to focus on the astrology here? rather than the Chinese one? :-) Hmm.

I expect to do some travelling this year but I am still having problems looking for a destination. The problem is where do I want to be? in the sun, in the snow, in the sea? warm weather, cold weather? culture or shopping? I only know that the trip should not be long and I want to relax...What's about a local Spa? D*mn it, the indecisive Thao is in charge GRRRRHHHH.