Notes...

Yesterday, a Belgian guy asked me where I was from, I said VN, and he told me he would like to go there because he heard it's a beautiful country, however is afraid of pickpockets...I got pissed when he said that, told him there is no need to go any further, there are already plenty here in his country.

Yeah, friends who know me will also know that I complain a lot about how Vn is run, but deep down I think I am a compatriot. I love my country very much, so much that I feel ashamed when a country of 80 millions people can't afford to give scholarship to students to study abroad, we ask help from other countries, and therefore we are being insulted, treated like unwanted animals. I love my country so much that I get upset when I see we don't learn good things from other countries but bad things. Look how many Vietnamese girls who were born here, they wear jeans or pants like rappers, prevail their underwears... That is not our girls, Vietnamese girls are not like that. People will say that they were born here, that's why they behave like the kids here, don't speak any VNese, I do not agree. Where are the parents? why not to teach your kids Vnese, proud to be one because whether they want it or not, their skin is still yellow, their eyes are small, they still have to eat rice...

Then, back home, the same, young generation just copy the bad things: drugs, highspeed motorcycles, wearing stupid clothes...I am worried that we are losing our old cultures, values of VNese.

I have always cherished my childhood, I think it was the best time of my life (not that I am unhappy about the way things are now). I spent time with my grandparents, and learnt so much from them. In fact, if I become the person I am today, I can never thank them enough, my dad was not there, and mom was busy with work. In VN, family education is most important, well, I guess in any country it is like that. I think of my grandfather with admiration of the man he was, powerful, has full authority, responsible, but at the same time loving and understanding. I think of my grandmother for being the woman that I want to become, loving, brave, couraged, and above all respect her husband.

I remember the time my grandmother took lessons to learn how to write and read, she really did it, I am so proud of her. At her age, it wasn't easy to learn things, but he learnt fast, and was a good student. In the VN war, we lost everything, and obliged to move to the forest, we had land, I could play with the chicken, rabbits, pigs, ducks..., but then one day grandmother decided to sell everything and moved back to the city, I asked her why, she told me I have to go to scholl, and stayed in the bush would take me nowhere. It is strange the way our brain operates, there are things I could not remember even it was yesterday or a month ago, but there are things I can never forget. I cried every morning when I woke up when I was a child, and grandmom used to get upset because of that, she told me if I kept on crying at the start of the new day, we will never have luck, and no food :-). So, one day I woke up, smiled and told her "look, grandma, today I smile, we will have more money today" :-))

Lately, I have been dreaming about her, I am worried, too worried that every time the phone at home rings, I don't want to take it.

I saw the girls yesterday, they asked me how things are for me...You see, with friends, you can not hide anything, if they know you well, they can read your heart. They just started: "Thao, you are beautiful and smart, why are you doing that to yourself?, are you happy to share a man? you see, we don't see any progress, it is still the same, you still don't know where it leads you to? why taking such a big risk for that man? he said he loved you, slept with you and then what, he also slept with her, and probably telling her that he loves her..." That last bit was hurtful...I didn't say anything, but I felt pain in my chest, it was as if someone squeezed my heart, tears fell down on my face...I didn't know what to say.

People are not in the same circumtance always see things clearer, friends are always too caring to prevent you from hurting yourself. I understand, I don't know why I cry again, maybe because when I look back, it is true that after a long time, not much things have changed...There are no plans, no progress, where am I going?

I am too sensitive lately, I need so much love and attention that one can give. The other day, a friend of mine said his cat would die soon, it made me sad, don't know why. I think of where a dead cat or dead person is? Will there be their spirit around us? Can they see things/people clearer than we do? Will they be there or they will vaporise like air? it is such a strange feeling to not see a person you see everyday, then suddenly, no more...

Women always have their mind believe in what they want, but not what they see. I feel a bit sick today...

THEE interview

After a cup of anti-nervousness tea, which I bought from Germany, I was calmer and more relax, in other word ready for the interview. Have my long skirt and white shirt ironed perfectly, printed out another four copies of my CVs (just in case there are more than one interviewers :-)), took a long bath with anti-stress bath gel, had a energetic facial mask...Hmm, I could say that I was prepared, no? :-). No, I chose a beige colour trousers nstead of the long skirt :-)

No, seriously, I surfed the whole morning to get information about the airline, what they do, read again the job description, tried to fit my experiences into it. Oh, well, companies are just interested in what I can offer them, not what will benefit me...Try to answer typical interview questions, looking at myself in the mirror, I have to project my confidence, no? So, I am cool, calm, and not desperate for job :-)

I cancelled lunch with the girls because of the interview, and finally I went there. The building was a bit further away from the airport, so after almost 1h and 30min of transport, I arrived. Building-ok, offices-small, but neat-ok, a girl came to take me to another room, then there were three taiwanese guys came (each of them had a copy of my cover letter and CV). They look very SERIOUS, and not smiling, and one guy, literally speaking, was just staring at me the whole interview, they didn't look at me into the eyes, fine by me, very Asian, i felt like I was being interviewed for a job in VN.

I sat like I was in a trial with three SERIOUS judges :-). Well, a few typical interview questions, and the guys didn't speak very good English. I did fine, I think, then suddenly nobody said anything, so i thought it was time for me to shoot MY questions. "So, your tagline is "Just relax, and feel at home" meaning you want your passengers to feel like family and comfortable, that's more or less your mission statement for passengers air service, what's about your cargo business? what is the mission statement?", "hmm, very good question..." I could feel them not comfortable at all, tried to answer my question but hardly to the point..."what are your major cargo markets?", "what is the different between CCM, AMS?"...I did my homework, guys!!!

The job is about monitoring cargo sales in Europe, and reporting to headquarter in Taipei, so I really wanted to know what they exactly do, that's why all the questions...

They told me they would come back to me next week, i don't think I will get the job although I feel ok about it. I didn't have this "feeling of clicking", you know like you meet people, there are some, you feel immediate connection, but for some, it was just a meeting...For this job, I didn't feel it much (maybe I have not covered from my break up with Sony? :-)), plus having to commute long hour and working in shift, I don't really feel motivated...

But it was an unsual interview, quite interesting, and well, I can always learn from interview for the next one, no? :-)

BTW, Sudhir is back from India, he smsed me this morning to ask if i was in Brussels, I had the envy of saying I was in VN, but didn't. So he said "see you tonight". Man, i think he was not upset at all, and things seem to be fine :-). The more I think about it, the more I think I am cursed, I will never be completely happy with my private life, I guess I broke a lot of women's hearts in my previous life to have mine broken this time...Hmm, stay positive, Thao...yeah yeah yeah, whatever!!!

Job interview

I had a phone interview this morning, it went through. So, tomorrow I am going to have an interview with Taiwan Airways. If I manage to get through this interview, the job should be interesting, meaning I can travel a lot, and learn about the airline industry... Of course, I am a bit nervous, but looking forward, and hopefully luck is with me this time. Having interview really doesn't mean anything, but still "you-never-know".

Have not told any of my friends, I know my phone wouldn't stop ringing if I tell them. They will get too excited for me, and then, imagin if I don't get it :-). I told my uncle, and already he said that let's plan the holidays :-).

Also still waiting for call from American Chamber of Commerce, they have a vacancy to fill in end of August, and I am sure that it fits my profile perfectly, but yeah, destiny, destiny, destiny...If the job is for me, it will be there! I hope I will be happy with job this time, is important.

Kungfu Hustle

Yesterday, Delzoe and Manuel came to my place, I brought a lot of sauerkraut from Bonn, and since Delzoe sent me a text to ask if I wanted to have a beer with them. They are going to Mont Blanc soon to climb (Gosh, wish I could join them!!!). So, I told them to come over to have dinner with me.

Anyway, after a heavy dinner with cheese cake dessert, we went to see Kungfu Hustle, always love Kungfu movies!! Hmm, when I was in HK and saw the trailer of this one, it is a silly movie and exaggerated but it is hilarious. I think we laughed at the whole movie like mad.

Have a couple of DVDs from this guy, maybe I check them out today since I have nothing to do? :-))). When I was still in VN, this guy was not so famous, used to played silly roles, but look like his career has just lifted, HK Jim Carrey they call him :-)

All my cameras are with memory sticks, and I can't load pictures at the moment. Thinking of getting a VAIO soon, nice PC.

Going to get stuffs to make springrolls for tonite, climbing day today with the guys, and going to sign up for boxing again. Can being jobless get any better? :-)

Bonn- Home of Lugwig van Beethoven

Bonn lives and breaths Beethoven.

I arrived in Koln on Friday late afternoon after 3h and a haft on the bus, took another 20 min to get to Bonn by train. Well, one would be silly to compare Koln and Bonn, Koln is busy, stressed city where you see lot of alternative people working on the street, piercing, metal belts...gays and lesbians kissing each other, the Central Station (Koln hbf) is busy with LOTs of people, lots of operating fast food chains, lot of meat, and sausages, it's like they don't like eating salad. Everything is ugly except the old Catheral.

Bonn, on the other hand is calmer, quieter, cleaner, greener, and prettier. There is not much to see in Bonn as the city is relatively small, but the charm is there. The university is big, and if you ask everybody which is the highest building in Bonn, they will probably tell you the building of Deutch Post-made completely with glass and steel. Well, you can see it from every angle, from the yard of Bonn university (very big university-originally was a castle), from the river...

After dinner, we went to see a silence movie. Well, not a fan but it kinda nice to sit outside surrounding by about 1000 people, with live music accompanied to a silence comedy. And above all, it's for FREE :-). The movie was funny, and I would have liked to have a piano played along instead of the music that they had because sometimes the music they played didn't fit to the sound it should be. BTW, actresses and actors are also not-so-pretty. I think the standard of the beauty has changed, the actress in the past, they are more like Marilyn Monroe type of women, their figures are more volumtuous with big tits of course. Nowadays, women pay too much attention on their weight. If we look at the shop models, god, they look like a skeleton wearing clothes, they give young girls wrong impression of beauty. I sat in a cafe and saw many German girls who are so skinny, and as their skin are pale, they look like a death walking body, Not healthy at all.

Anyway, that is another subject. I decided to go to Bonn to get away from hectic life in Brussels, stress, worries, boredom, and to celebrate Irina's 25th BD on Saturday. On Saturday morning, while Christian went for a haircut, me and Irina walked around the city to shop. Well, she needs a nice dress for a romantic getaway with Christian next weekend in Frankfurt. It is a BD gift that he gave her, a 4 dinner course, champagne and breakfast in bed. It's sweet, and Irina cried when she received it, she has ever received anything like that. Of course, we all know, girls, how much stress it gives as well :-). It means we have to find the right dress-hmm, sexy but not too much of prevailing (after all, we are all Ladies, aren't we? :-)), but don't under-estimate the other side, because a short romantic weekend also means sex. Yeah, you heard me, right, we all know how guys are, and how we try to seduce them hehehehe, try to perfect the art of seduction. A bit of vulgarity, wildness wouldn't hurt, but spice up your relationship, doesn't it?

Maybe for Irina is not really about sex, maybe it's about baby, just kidding of course, or maybe Christian might pop a long-waited-question, who knows.

Juliete and Marcel joined us from Einhoven. It has been more than a year that I have not seen them, so it was nice that they came. We went to a nice (and cheap) restaurant, fusion type of foods, but very good. We met two guys who were from Chicago, and Milan, desperately needed someone who spoke English, so we put the tables together. We went home around midnight, and had champagn in the garden, looking at the stars, the moon was almost full, romantic...Is there a better moment than spending the night under the clear sky, seeing the stars...together with someone you think is right and maybe your other haft? I think I am still waiting for that moment to come, that might complete my life (hey Thao, don't exaggerate, pls :-))

Talked abit with Christian about job, he told me if I mind to move to Bonn because since Duetch Post bought DHL, they need international people to work there, and his boss is looking for someone...I don't know, maybe that is not a bad idea, Bonn isn't bad.

I had a flash back in Guangzhou when I was in Koln to take the bus home this morning. It's not so organised and not many Germans speak English, in time like that, I wish I could speak many languages.

We went to visit Linz, I love the place, a bit similar to Honfleur in Normandy, cute wooden houses with many small paths. Not a good place to shop though, many ugly shops, and drunk people walking around hehehe

Well, TV broadcasts non-stop news about Iraq, about terrorists, about fighting against them like Tony Blair and George Bush said. Why don't we focus on other people around us? smaller problems, easier to find solutions, no? I met a very nice guy from Iraq when I was in Koln station waiting for the bus, he speaks German perfectly, a bit of English, and much nicer than any other Germans I met that day. He ran around to ask about info about the bus for me, so friendly and helpful. It breaks my heart to think about innocent people who are no homeless and probably family scattered. Is this a world we live in today? No mercy, but nucclear power, destructive weapons, oil war? Where is love?

Has anyone stopped and looked in Africa, Sudan for example, where people are dying because of disease and hunger. We are too busy to look, we do not have time to help because we have to deal with other things more urgent...

Isn't that sad when it is not other races destroy us, but we destroy ourselves by destroying our brothers?

I didn't realise sometimes I left people with no news ;-)

" What about your project to travel during the summer? Otherwise, I could invite to come and visit me in NY before you take another job? Btw, what are your prospects? Where are you looking for?

I wish you good luck in your endeavor. I know already that you will be successful. Please keep your word to write from your hotmail or yahoo account and do not leave me withouy any news. Sometimes, I get really worried."

Every relationship is based on a mutual understanding between two or several different people, there is support, compromise, disagreement, advice...Although the fabric of relationship between friends, among family members, between colleagues, between employer and employees, between boyfriend and girlfriend, between, partners is different from one to the another, they still hold a common trait: the painful good-bye. Today I am saying good bye to my colleagues in Sony. I realise how much I have attached to these people, and yes saying good bye to them is also sad. Of course, it is a whole new chapter for me, new friends, new job (probably) or a complete new study to change my career? but still sad because these people have been my companions on a long, hard but enjoyable journey.

Yesterday, when they gave me a farewell party, they gave me gifts, and "stay like you are, will miss your simplicity and a your nice smile", "Will be lonely with you...", "there are many challenges ahead, I learnt a lot in managing you, you have a lot in teaching people, trust in yourself...". I read the card many times when I came home, and feel happy and lucky to have met my Sony colleagues. In time like this where you start doubting about your capacity, feeling a bit lost, these words are like fuel that are supplied to an empty tank, it boosts my spirit up, and reminds me the person I am. I didn't know that I was that lovable and yet it is confirmed I smile a lot ;-)))

I am not so good in staying in touch with good friends and people I love when I am not happy. A habit I will try to break, won't be easy though.

But then again, it is meant that I met every single person, it is also meant that it is time we go different ways. The journey of life continues, and I just hope our road will cross again!

Bat dau cua mot su doi moi? ;-)

Nuoc minh mo rong dau tu, bay gio thay doi tu Communist qua Capitalist...Tao dang doc cuon sach ve Ernesto Che Guavera, ma ong ta la tuong nguoi Argentina, cam quan ben canh Fidel Castro, " The motor cycle's diaries". Nuoc Vietnam minh la model to fight again the US, "one, two and more Vietnams" ;-)

Boi vay, tao cang ngay cang thich la communist ;-)

Click here

"I put part of your money for daddy in the pagoda, thank sister" ;-)

Tofu soup I made on Friday.

This morning when I got an e-mail from my haft sister from my father side, she thanked me for sending her two hundred bucks last week. I know it is just a small amount of money, and I can finish it in one day shopping (yeah, shopaholic), but it is a lot of money for her, she can do study and all. I thought she would keep it, but she told me this morning that she put a part of the money to the pagoda for my dad (whom I didn't know, and had passed away). Yeah, well I hope if his soul/spirit is still somewhere around us, he will help them...

This morning Luca sent me a link for cooking school in Holland, yeah, he has been asking around and checking out for me. The nice thing is that I didn't even ask him or talked to him about it, I think Rene told him...Sometimes, I feel really grateful for having friends like them, Patricia sent me a card with a fresh flower on the envelop, and she told me that I am special ;-).

....Sweet feeling, and heart is really warm...

View from the top of Durnal rock

Wild cat in Durnal ;-)

View from where we slept

Me taking picture of the guys

Ruben

Easy bit

With Delzoe

Rock in Durnal

With Manuel

Does fire bring nostalgia?

I deleted one post on this journal because I didn't like it much when I read it again, too much pain and sadness. Don't like seeing myself vulnerable...

Anyway, I had a great weekend! Went climbing with Manuel, Delzoe, and Ruben. We left around 9am from Brussels, heading to Durnal, near to Dinant, Belgium. We arrived around 10am, and started climbing haft an hour later. The rock in Durnal was quite new and easy to climb. With the perfect weather, the sun was shining, and from time to time the clouds came to give us shade...The wind, the sweat, lots of swearing, the view, the feeling when you managed to get to the top, everything was amazing. Just looking at them climbing, they were like lizards moving on the wall, as if climbing is easy and nothing ;-). It's nice to climb with advanced people ;-), they showed you how to work with your feet, and "C'mon Thao, you can do it", "Great, congrats, you did it", or "That fucking bitch was difficult, wasn't it?" ;-).

We left Durnal around 6pm on Saturday, and another 15 min of driving to come to Freyr where we spent the nite and continued to climb the day after.

We had dinner at Chamonix, a cafe where all climbers went to, very cool place, food was good, and the price was reasonable. After a few beers, Ruben started telling us his camping trauma story ;-) in Cuba.

Ruben: Camping like this is like we spend a nite out in 5 stars hotel, you guys don't know what it's like to camp in Cuba ;-). I had a trauma...

Me and the guys: yeah? You don't like camping?

Ruben: Like this yes, but when I was in Cuba, my ex-girlfriend and her family love camping, so I was invited to come along. After a 3h drive from Havana, we arrived at the place, cleaned it, and started setting up the tent. The temperature was around 40 degree, ok. After the tent was set up, a tropical storm came, and everything was blown away!!! And imagin that was around 11pm, when I just f*cking wanted to go to bed.

...LOL...

Ruben: Not finished yet. Her family also had an interesting habit of fishing at night, so around 3am, they shouted, and everybody had to get up, dressed, and went get the fish...

Me: Everybody? the women as well?

Ruben: Of course, there is no discrimination, don't worry, Thao ;-)

...LOL...

Ruben: The second year, her family saw that I was too demotivated, so her father gave me a gift, a separate tent to have some privacy, and guess what when I slept, haft of legs were outside the tent ;-). The third time, she asked to come along, I told her-listen, I love you but not that much ;-)

...LOL...

Man, Ruben had a funny way to tell his story. We left the Chamonix cafe around 10pm, I took a shower at the place where we slept, and when I came back, the guys already made a big bonfire, and we drank tea, talked about life, relationship...It was a strange feeling that I had, I felt like I could tell them everything, stories in the past...and they had that feeling, too. it was as if the fire brought us closer to each other.

Guys: So Thao, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No, no love affair at the moment ;-)

Manuel: How come? for such a great girl like yourself?

Me: Yeah, tell me about it, I think I have been cursed hehehehe

Guys: LOL, seriously, no boyfriend, Belgian guys can't win your heart?

We kept on talking, about Kumato tomatoes, about sex, and about fart (yeah, disgusting, I know!!). They tried to light their fart once, btw. Apparently, it gave a fire ;-)

Rock in Freyr_Ardennes

Swen w.pancakes ;-)

Vietnamese pancakes..MMMM

Vietnamese pancakes and self-served springrolls ;-)

I had dinner at "sister" Vy's place yesterday, there was Swen and Loan as well. We were making springrolls for ourselves (although I don't mind making spingrolls for Huy-11 years old, the poor guy has ashma, love foods)and she made really good VNese pancakes!!

Swen is from Antwerpen, and is going to marry Loan, they are going back to Saigon in September to meet Loan's parents ;-). Although Swen has been in many Asian countries (Singapoor, China, Korea, Japan, Thailand, Maylaysia..), he has not been in VN! So, first time to VN and meet the parents, told him not to worry, Vnese's parents are not so difficult hehehe.

We all know how Belgians-Flemish feel when they have to speak French, and for Swen is even more because he is from Antwerpen. But Loan doesn't speak English and Dutch, so he is obliged to speak French (imagin how love can change people-LOL), but she is learning Dutch now, so that's good. Swen is quite happy to see me because we can talk about travelling, VN (yeah, Loan and Vy are very VNese-don't know Mozzallera or Amaretto, and absolutely nothing about VN's politics), and I can teach him VNese to speak to her parents, last but not least because he can escape French and speak English to me ;-)

Was fun to chat with them...

Nhung's farewell

Well, Nhung finished her DA in Law, and heading back home this Friday. I asked if she would miss Brussels, she said she would miss Brussels a lot, but especially me ;-). She gave me a little gift and kept on saying that I should go home, too.

"Come on, you can find jobs easily in foreign companies there, there are plenty. And just in case you are more attracted to white guys, there are many cute white guys working near the Notre Dame church ;-)"

"Who said I am attracted to white guys?, just that not many VNese guys impressed me ;-)"

BTW, Nhung is 24 and although she plans to get married this time when she comes home, she doesn't cook, love shopping, and flirty type of girl-is this the modern portray of Vnese girl? scary, isn't it? I rather stay traditional, one man, one love ;-)

We went to eat Greek, so lots of meat ;-((. Aunty Vinh invited us. She is a real patriot, another good being, she is someone whom I have much respect. She speaks Dutch, French, learning sign language and ancient Greek. She teaches Vnese to children here, and teaches French to Vnese newcomers. She kicked out two husbands, and managed to teach a Belgian fiance EVERYTHING about VN (although their relationship also didn't last).

Her special profile: Almost being shot by a Belgian guy
Why? in a fight ;-)
He started :"Jaune, je te cause pas"
She: "Blanc bec, je ne reste pas sous le meme toit que toi"

I am going to help her cooking for a wedding end of this month, and although have many things to learn from her, she can be sometimes to agrressive ;-)

BTW, I started using my MSN space to post pictures, easier there. I looked at old pictures of me from before. Gosh, I looked like a real nerd, and OLD OLD OLD

15 application letters for an interview

Job search starts giving me exhaustion, and the weather is too hot today! I could hear a voice in my head as i said it "human beings, they seem to never be happy with what they have got. When it rains, they complain, and when the weather is dry, the sun is shining at its best, they complain :-)". Off today from work to search for jobs, and sort out papers...

I keep my spirits up, try to convince myself not to focus on thinking about being jobless but think that I am going through a significant change in life and it HAS to happen now, it will make me live my life differently, and change certain perspectives. Well, that is what I want to believe :-)

Am I stressed? not really...well, maybe a bit tense from time to time, but isn't that how people who don't have a job feel? Hmm, maybe I am stressed, that probably why I feel like biting people's heads off :-), just kidding...

Anyway, Fox reminded me of the rate for a job interview, 15/1... I talked to my mom yesterday, my sister called, my uncle's ex-wife called...everybody worries "you are too quiet" :-). Well, I am keeping low profile :-)

So far so good, I have never feel as calm as I recently feel in my mind and my soul. It is difficult to love someone, but it requires much more or even being brave enough to let someone to love us back. Breaking up with someone who loves and shares their lives with us is definitely the most painful part in love. Me, I ask for forgiveness for not being strong enough to let someone love me. I am too weak that I rather let myself fall now, so I can get up again, I free myself instead of letting someone to free me. Things go fine, I keep distant, so I don't have to feel the awkwardness in between us, and he understands. Anyway, I don't want him to be frustrated for the change of my mood, I am far from the perfect person he thinks he has found.

Strangly, I feel like I am loved as ever, and I wish him happiness with all my heart.

Love always!

BE FUNK updates

Party animals-don't forget to check Fox's interview :-)

Click here

Sweet dreams :-)

What I do when I am bored? ;-) Taking silly pictures...

And the harness

New climbing shoes

Pasta a la Thao ;-)

Green salad

Home made soya milk

"You're the bad one" ;-(

Spent yesterday afternoon in Bois de la Cambre-rollerblading with Ruben, the weather was good, so there were a lot of people in the park. After that, I went to have dinner with the Vnese gang.

Anyway, the other day I saw the African frog, so I told uncle the story with Sofia, and he was asking "alors, est ce que tu lui as donne un coup de pied dans son cul? quel conard". Of course, with his terrible languages and bad temper, I didn't want to say anything much.

Cristine called as well, she just came back from France, and this weekend is going to Greece with Irene and the crazy Russian girl (can't never recall her name). We talked a bit, and Cristine said something that hurted me a little. "Do you still see that guy?"-she asked, I told her not really, and she just concluded "you're the bad one", of course with a small laugh on the phone. I don't mind, Cris can think whatever she wants, I think I have done things right so far, and I have jobs to think of now.

Co nhieu luc tao nghi chuyen nay dau co lien he gi voi tao, tao moi la nguoi unhappy. Brian goi e-mail, dang o Laos, va se den Viet Nam, noi chuyen rat de thuong "I wish you were here, miss talking to you"...I don't know...Cong viec o Belgium dao nay cung rac roi, kiem viec lam ma khong co ra, nhieu luc thay chan nan lam. Time will heal, and eventually everything will become the past, nhung ma nhieu luc cai cau noi "if you are not happy, then maybe you're right" hay la "if that is what you want, I can't do anything" lam tao suy nghi. Tao khong dong y cho lam, neu ma unhappy, thi phai work things out, talk, explain, why said that?

"what's your secret? I want to make Nicolas happy" :-)

Haven't talked to Fox since we were back from Sweden trip (we see each other at work almost every day, but lately, we didn't seem to talk a lot like we used to - like Fox said it seemed like we had not talked for ages), so yesterday we met for a movie.

When we were queuing, we saw Aziza and one of her colleague (whom Fox said might be a lesbian :-)-she is quite pretty). I don't know what is with Aziza, every time I see her, she starts:

Aziza: "you still didn't tell me your secret"
Me: "what's secret?" :-)
Aziza: "you changed, you look different, sparkling, bright...I don't know, is there someone?"
Me: "No, I'm just out of love and jobless"
Aziza: " and you are happy?"- must be a surprised for her :-)
Me: "Yeah, trying to at least, nothing much I can do" :-)
Aziza: "but that's good, even Nicolas told me the other day that you are different, and I was like "wat? you are looking at her now?"" LOL- typical Aziza.

We saw Dirty Shame, which is a very stupid movie about sex addicted. Then, we went to have dinner in Boniface, Food and Love, a nice trendy restaurant, served good cuisine at quite reasonable prices. After two galsses of rose, Fox took coffee after meal, we moved on to Belga cafe for a few beers. We talked a lot me and Fox, about the master program he want to do next year, about Cristine and Jeremie's bachelor parties. I will miss all these...

Reading Becoming Madame Mao, a history story about the wife of Mao Tse Tung, she is amazing, a real fighter, I think...

Kariboe-Leuven shopping

Just came back from indoor climbing...

Went to Leuven with Delzoe, Gabor, and Ruben to buy climbing gears this morning in Kariboe, we were at the shop around 10am, just in time for its opening, and there were plenty of people in the shops already. It's a really nice shop, but finding a good pair of climbing shoes was really not easy. It should be like wearing socks, not to tight, not too loose. Now I have my own harness, shoes, and security and a book entitled "the world's most dangerous places" (to get the excitement to visit dangerous places or to know the danger to not go?:-)). Of course, I get back 21% VAT, which is much better than 15% discount the shop gives..hmm, how do I do that? only a small trick :-)

Afterward, we went to Dewerf for lunch, very nice cafe, and plenty of people were there having brunch...I like Leuven very much, cute town...Gabor told me if I want to learn Dutch, then he can recommend me a small student place to stay for a month and go to intensive course like he did. Didn't know Delzoe has a Taiwanese girlfriend, and apparently they own a restaurant in Mechelen, that's why he is so busy, only open the climbing room three days a week.

We went back to climb, and they all made fun of me since I was so excited with my new shoes, very trendy, I love them! BTW, they also did magic :-), I felt that i did better with my own shoes although Ruben thinks that "20% is your own effort, and 80% depends on your new shoes". I like climbing with Ruben because he always encourages: "C'mon, partner, make me proud" or "no, back on the wall" :-). He is going to Cuba for a month in August, so I will help him to come to his place to water the plants in August. I planned to go to Southern France-Barcelona in August, but now with job's situation, I asked uncle if we could remove the trip to September, which will leave me more time to do job search. If not, a trip back to VN in Oct is on.

I was telling Ruben this afternoon, when he came back from Cuba, I will do so much better, that if he wants to climb, I will tell him that I won't climb with beginner :-))

Ghent festival is on, but I don't think I will have time, and next weekend, I will go outdoor climbing with the guys again, can't wait :-)

Thought this website gives quite good info on climbing in Belgium: http://www.belclimb.net/

...and for the shop

Click here

Dalai Lama's 70 Birthday

Click here

"I need a girlfriend"

I went downstairs to take out my clean clothes from the washing machine and ran into Sudhir, he invited me for a drink upstairs...

We talked a bit about jobs and all, then suddenly...

Sudhir: "I need a girlfriend now, I thought I could live without one for a while, but now I think I need one"

Me: "Find yourself one then, you can have one easily, have a job, a company car, a nice apartment, what are you waiting for?"

Sudhir: "How about you? How is your relationship with the guy from Leuven?"

Me: "The guy from Leuven has a name, FYI, don't think it concerns you, but everything is fine"---very pissed, so I went on -" and even though we are now neighbours, but it is better that you stop calling me too often."

Sudhir: "Let's change the subject"

Me: "No, it's ok, I have some stuffs to finish, good nite"

So, I guess he is also upset now, I feel a bit bad to be too straightforward and harsh, but I was the whole day out in the rain, looked for jobs, tired, and then with all the irritated questions, I just lost my control. And it is true that although my personal life isn't that great for the moment, it is not anybody's business.

....GRRRR...

Brian on river Kwai bridge 

I want to tell the whole world to f*ck off!!!!

It's Thursday today, and I am off from work.

Lately I have many travel dreams, mostly in places I have never been (wondered if they exist), do things I have ever done, don't know why, probably too much into adverture type of books, and soon "having long term vacation" :-) or I just want to escape to somewhere where nobody can find me :-)

I hate my f*cking job, I really really hate it. I think if I stay doing the same thing longer, my blog will soon turn into "I hate my job" blog :-). The job itself is nice but the way i have to handle it sucks shit! So, yeah, a part of my dream came true: no more waking early in the morning, rushing for work, no more long hour commuting, no more horrible lunch in terrible cantine...another part of my dream doesn't come true, find a job that allows me travel from one place to the other.

The Employee Satisfaction survey results very bad, so now they are trying to make us happy. In our team, our Kiwi manager came up with the Padre hour (original used in the army where soldiers can go to a priest and complain about his superior as during war time, they have to follow orders, no time to complain-that was why they had the Padre hour). We are supposed to say what expect from the company, what we want to change, why do we come to work for Sony...etc, and the thing we discussed would be kept confidential. Yeah, confidential, my ass!!!

I didn't just take a day off, I took it to actively look for jobs. Although I believe if a job is meant for me, it will be for me, but that doesn't mean I wait for it to come, do I? :-). After being registered to "i dont know how many agencies and interim"..Vendior, Vera, Actief, Creft, Ranstad, Vivaldi...and being interviewed... "what are you looking for?", "what are your strengths and weaknesses?", " do you speak French?, then goes directly, "vous parlez un peu du francais?", I am exhausted, has been out since 9am in the morning. There are agencies who have very nice people, but there are also those who are not helpful and just want to wipe you out as soon as they can. Well, keep calm, Thao!!!

I cursed a lot today, I hope some of my good deeds will help to avoid having my tongue to be cut off. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, and I promise I won't curse again. I am just so f$cking frustrated today, ya know!

Katherine told me yesterday that I have friends from over the place, and indeed this is the one thing that I feel lucky about and cherish it everyday. It is important to keep in touch with friends because they are those who keep on reminding me of who I am, I am ME, more than a Sony employee! Job search process gives a lot of frustrations, and without friends i will easily lose my confidence, so far, everybody gives me strengths, especially from the people I work with, they mean well.

Hic hic, I deserve a hot chocolate cup and Swedish candies now...BTW, have you heard London was attacked by terrorists? and nobody attacks Sony? :-) Nah, just kidding, I already spitted at a Sony center when I passed by hehehehe

Well, to be honest, I still love Sony, even though it seems like we are not compatible :-).

"Maybe you should change job to plumbing" ;-)

Went climbing with Ruben yesterday, I made a lot of improvements, my body is more relax and less tense than before, and I could feel that I climb faster as well. Ruben thought it was because I read the book, but I haven't had a lot of time to read it, in any cases I am quite happy ;-). My uncle joined for a while, Gosh, he is good! He is improving so fast that I am abit worried that he will beat me soon ;-)). We stayed almost 3h there.

After that, uncle dropped me home, he was invited to dinner, and I didn't feel like joining. Plus, Sudhir told me that there were a few things needed to be fixed in the apartment, so I saw him. A few bulbs are broken, and the most important was the shower, I thought the shower face was broken, but when I checked it was the shower arm, so I changed it for him. Sudhir laughed a lot when he saw me fixing the shower, I should consider changing my job apparently.

I never needed to ask my uncle when it came to this sort of thing, probably because I knew he would do the same? I used to come and helped his workers when I was student, and learnt many things around the house. Sudhir offered Indian pasta for dinner, then I went upstairs and started making soya milk. I had to do it because I soaked the beans since Sunday.

Sometimes, I wonder where does all that energy I have come from... Maybe I just like keeping myself busy.

Johnny Depp vs Tom Cruise ;-)

Went to see "Charlie and the chocolate factory" with Johnny Depp as Willie Wonka, I love it! I think everybody in the movie theater loved it!! Like any other movies of "husband of Vanessa Paradis", he really fits and gives the best of himself to the role. Movie is funny, magic, loving...I also like the music very much.

Of course, after that "The war of the world" was in. Despite the current affair of Tom Cruise and Katie Holms, which was said to boost his career, he played a father who tried to keep his family together, not so bad. I think the movie was good, very intense, and the machine robot is kinda "exotic", just different.

But Depp is absolutely better, I think.

Continental breakfast :-) 

Couleur Cafe 

New books 

A broken love message? :-) 

broken cherry branch from Namur house 

"Please flush..."

I don't understand, are we all grown up adults?

Why do some people just wait for others to give them intructions on how to behave in the toilets, and even though there are little notes just in front of us when we sit, still the toilet is DIRTY!!

There is a lack of taking responsibilities in public places, THESE ARE NOT OUR PRIVATE PLACE!!! Why why why? Are they that busy?

I feel annoyed when I read below serious instruction but it seems like there is a need!

"Think about the person who sits down right after you Please flush... Wait for 5 seconds, if it is spotless, if not, use the brush, and flush again" I mean "Hallo, are you blind? or stupid?"

Talking about we were original monkeys, look like many of us just stay MONKEYS.

Touching the void

Into reading Touching the Void, of course for someone who knows little about climbing like myself, the techniques that Joe described are far too advanced to understand, however the story is moving. I think it is one of the most extraordinary stories about friendship, companion, courage, wild, beauty, and danger of mountains. I couldn't let the book down, have not read such a book in a long time.

I loved it when Joe hestitated to climb because the weather was bad, Simon told him that they wouldn't know how risky and dangerous it was if they didn't try, and sitting at the camp to wait wouldn't help. I guess this is what I am trying to do with my life.

I admire people who break bounderies, who are brave enough to quit their jobs, sell their house, and all belongings to be on the road, living a free life, true happiness...no morgages, no mundanes, no 6.30am waking up hour, and 12pm sleeping time, no more "I've got meeting tomorrow", no economy worries, no Reality TV shows, no MTVs, no "will VN's political system change?"...Will we be considered selfish if we follow our dreams no matter what?

I also watched "The Motocycles' diaries" and "The Story of the weeping camel", beautiful pictures, fantastic stories...culture, people's lives, feeling, emotions... My heart couldn't help squeezing, it felt sad when tears come out from the camel's eye, and then burst into laughter hapiness when she finally agreed to breastfeed her baby. Of course, it was a small story around the life/culture of the Mongols, I envy them for their peaceful life. Are they poor? depend on our definition of being wealthy or rich. For me, not. Too much love to be poor! They have no TVs, no warm water, no heat, no electricity, and yet their tents are so beautiful...and the kids collected Coke cans, broken alarm clock (I supposed from tourists?)...to play with. One thing funny was when the mother had something to do, her kid was tied to a pole in the corner of house, next to grandmother who was busy preparing food...

They reminded me of when my grandfather got out of political prison, he didn't want to have a TV (too much of propaganda he thought). There was a small TV in the culture center, and every evening I used to ask my grandfather's permission to be with other kids in the culture house to watch lousy VNese cartoon ;-0). Our TV program used to have Russian movies, so boring, and then my grandfather decided to invest into buying a TV, and a refridgerator. So we had a Sony TV but it didn't work so well, up to certain time, we put an iron on the top for it to run (still couldn't understand this trick ;-)), and the refrigerator, men, every time I opened it, I got slightly electricity shock ;-). However, I think the best time of my life was when I was young, I used to take all the blanket in the house, together with my sister we dressed up like princesses and started dancing like crazy around the house until my grandparents got mad ;-), and when the moon festival came, we waited for our laterns, usually both of us got big butterfly laterns. God, movies like these made me feel like I should disappear from the hectic, boring lifestyle we are having ;-)

Anyway, have been looking for jobs, this week, I will run to job agencies to spread out my CV, hopefully, there will be some positive responds. But I decide to not get so stressed about it otherwise it spoils my mood and contaminates the people who care for me ;-). I went to Couleur Cafe Sunday, was quite nice. It's funny how music affects our lives, Live 8 was on in the weekend, and of course there are many other concerts (with a purpose or not). Vnese guys in Leuven asked me to join them for the Wrechter Rock concert in Leuven, apparently they had a lot of fun, those spoiled kids ;-).

Today is American movies day, and there are many movies I want to see... maybe a movie marathon evening ;-)?

BTW, just got my "How to Rock Climb" book delivered, will check it out tonite, too ;-)