Bitch

I am exhausted, just finished cleaning my place. Every time friend comes to Belgium for a visit, I have to clean my place, and this week it has really been a mess. After Sweden, did not have much time to make the place look neat and clean.

Changing bed sheets, washing dishes, clothes, vacuum...And especially today I left my windows opened, clothes hanging on terrace to dry, it rains!!! Great, now I have to wash them again :-)

I go to bed now, will read a bit, perfect weather for reading an adventure book, just need a small fire place, but that's ok, candles will do. Tomorrow no jogging, going to stay in bed until I can get up for work.

BTW, this web site is one of my favourite site.

Click here

"Average age of VNese teenage having first sexual experience is 14.2"

Went with Ruben to Krainem Sport Center yesterday to climb. Don't like that place so much, too many people, and the entrance fee is more expensive than the one we usually go.

Anyway, Sudhir moved in in the weekend, and already yesterday he asked what time I would be home, called me twice and one sms to ask where I was....Ggrrrrhhh


After climbing I was a bit hungry, so I went to see the VNese gang and had dinner with them. Of course we talked about VN, how it is changing, one of the guys is going back on Thursday for a month and a haft, and he will be in Saigon for 3 weeks, lucky guy!! Acc to the sexeducation and birth rate control agents, our teenagers are now experiencing sex much sooner than before. They are alarming and now in school they are going to give lessons on having safe sex, and proper sexeducation. When we think about that, they are so lucky. Before, we didn't have any of this, or if we have it is very briefly and not enough. Besides, sex is like a taboo, we don't talk about it...One of the guys even said Vietnamese montagnards dont' know how to use condom even they have been taught to use it!! I guess it is also of the open economy, I am a bit frustrated that we might lose our culture value with the influence of the West.

Young people are becoming very wild, and without proper education, they will be poisoned... However, old generation is still giving us a hard time on marriage expection, many of my friends are under this social pressure. And it is really tough, psychologically speaking, people from the west won't understand. Arranged marriage doesn't exist anymore but a girl still need to get married latest 25 years. So, I am out of the love market in VN ;-)))

But the sexeducation is definitely a good thing!

Our Picanto and the cabine 

Sarah, the crazy :-) 

The ruin in Oland 

Speciality of Oland:potatoes farcie 

At the coast 

Typical Swedish 

Sweden with love :-) 

The famous peep show :-) 

Mid-sommar food 

Evening mid-sommar 

At the beach 

Feeding the fish :-) 

the party 

:-) 

Mid-sommar 

Figeholm harbour 

My blueberry pie 

Fox happy :-) 

Gone fishing 

With Fox in the garden 

With Sofia's father and Frederik 

The departure 

"You guys look good, how was Sweden?" good, good

Well, here I am back in Brussels.

Alcohol: one bottle of martini left

Money: 550 SEK

Languages learnt: tak-thanks, ria-sale, Hej-hi, Kaffe-coffee, Valkommen-Welcome

Impression on Swedes: Nice, friendly, outgoing, nature lovers, wild, "not so blond", fashionable, honest, modest, and very fair.

Impression on Sweden-outside Stockholm: very quiet, green, beautiful, "not so expensive"

Outcome: more relaxed, less stress, less sad, less worried, and very tanned ;-)

Plans: focus on getting a job

My aunt called yesterday "heard the bad news, apparently you were crying like a baby ;-), well, that's life, not having a job happened to everyone, and you are lucky to not worried about not having food, or rent, just not having money to spend, but that's not so bad." Love my aunt, she always make fun when I am stressed, then talked about her new pans "they are good, you don't have to put in oil when you cook..etc, do you want me to order then and have them sent to Belgium for you?". She plays tennis with her husband every day now, and of course talked about it for hours...Sometimes I had to cut in by asking how the weather is over there...

I will be fine, I think. Nothing can get worse unless there is some kind of "the revenge of the worms" to me ;-)

"Are you going to cry, Sofia?"

27-06-2005: Figeholm-Charleroi-Brussels

Time to leave, we had a long breakfast, and left around 11am or something. We wanted to visit Norrkoping (4th biggest city in Sweden) before heading to the airport.

Sofia cried when she said good bye to her parents and Frederik, and I also cried!!! don't know why, I guess I was a bit overwhelmed, they are nice people, and I was treated like the best visitor, I felt a bit sad to leave all these behind, Brussels is too hectic or too emotional I probably am. And they were sad, too especially her father, they were waving until we couldn't see them...

We arrived in Norrkoping around 1.30 or something, went around, nothing special, the city is quite new, quite a few Chinese there, many Thai, but mostly Greek and Turkish.

BTW, I saw a Vnese couple in Oskarshamn, and there was a Vietnamese restaurant there! It was funny when we passed by, I heard then speaking Vnamese to their little daughter, couldn't hide my excitement. Apparently there are many Vietnamese who fled out of VN in the 80's by boat, and ended up living in Sweden. It was a sad period of VN, many people died during the trip, or got raped and kidnapped, killed...etc.

We left Norrkoping, heading Nykoping, and then aiport, couldn't find a faz station to fill in the tank before giving back the car, so we ended up a bit late in the airport. checked in finally, plane took off at 6pm sharp.

We arrived in Charleroi around 8pm, got our baggages (much lighter), and got on the bus back to Brussels. I was home around 9.40pm or something. Exhausted, just went to bed immediately after the shower. Good to sleep in my own bed again.

My first blueberry pie

26-06-2005 Figeholm Nuclear station-the Light house

We stayed in Figeholm. Fox went bicycling, and me just around the garden, reading my book, and made my first blueberry pie for dessert at lunch. Blueberries were picked in the forest by Sofia's parents, and I just made a pie with butter, egg yolks, flour...was a delicious cake ;-)!

After lunch, we went to visit the nuclear station, very clean area, they took water from the sea on one side, and it comes out on the other side with 10 degree warmer than the usual temperature. People go swimming there. They have a fish laboratory near by, just to check up on the fishes...etc. Quite impressive with the view point.

After that, we went for a walk in the forest (I saw a fox on the way to Oskarshamn, I think it's a male one, very proud little fox ;-)). Many flowers, mostly fox cloves...

Then, to the light house, which turned out to be very small, and not impressive, we had im mind a more scary type of lighthouse ;-). But we walked to the beach, and ate a lot of cherries. Fox stripped, we took a picture when he showed his *ss to us ;-), Free show!!

We went home after, and made a bbq in the garden, was very nice until the mosquitoes arrived. We withdrawed into the house, had a cup of tea, then went to bed.

Me, thinking of strategies to get a job when I get back....

"Thao, the worm killer" ;-(

25-06-2005: Oskarshamn-Oland-then back to Figeholm

The day after mid-sommar, we went to Oland, abit further from Oskarsham, an island where most Swedes go to to celebrate mid-summer.

It was raining, weather was not so good, we walked around, nothing really interesting, but many more blonds than in Figeholm or Oskarshamn. I remembered when I said "Where are the blonds? ", Frank said "you meant blond gals?", me "err, or guys?" ;-), he turned to Sofia "and you told me she is an angel", I just laughed "I am, but with certain defined people", Sofia "indeed". There are many Indians in Oland with their shops, strange.

We paased by the summer house of Swedish royal family, and a ruin, but decided not to visit as we have to pay for that., no interested.

We got back to Figeholm around afternoon time, had a tea, and prepared for fishing. Of course, I had to catch the earth worms because either Sofia or Fox wanted to do that. I am not afraid of them, when I was small, used to look for them in the soil, and there were much bigger ones, i used to put them on my palm, and showed it my youngest uncle, he used to tell me how disgusting it was what i did ;-).

But my karma just went down when we managed to get on the boat, went to an island, and started fishing. I had to put them on the hook, and that wasn't something I wanted to do ;-(. I still feel guilty, and the guilt is eating my mind. Fox killed many worms at the end, Sofia killed one, and I killed 4 of them!! I feel very bad. I think it was my first fishing experience and will also be the last.

We went home with two fishes, and the engine was not working well, and Fox had to row for a while before we started it again. Got home about 10pm, exhausted. Sofia coughed a lot.

In bed, a song flashed in head "I'm a big big girl, in a big big world, and it's not a big big thing if you leave me but I true true feel that i true true will miss you...", strange when you are in a mood, everything else seems to be there for us to think about, book, music, discussions... It is a bit scary when we chose a road in life or a direction, we couldn't go back, had to accept the outcome the way it turned out to be. Anyway, it is better to look forward than to the past because there are things we can't undo.

"Which one did you guys have sex in?"

24-06-2005: Mid-sommar

We walked up, in the cabine. Me and Sofia went to take a shower, and since the weather was good, we wore our bikinies. Time to head to Olul and Veronica's cabine for breakfast.

After breakfast, we picked up flower again (forgot those we already picked in Figeholm). We went for a walk around the cabine area, and saw the May pole (not tall as we had in mind), and it is made in the penis form-symbol of fertility.

Me: "probably because vagina is too difficult for them to build" ;-)
Sofia: "yeah, I agree"

Went back to the cabine, made our flower crowns, had lunch: Potatoes boiled with dill served with cream, sour fishes, crakers, and loads of different kinds of drinks: Danish beers, after 9, absolut vodka, lemon vodka..etc. Every time we filled our glass, we sang a song before drinking it. Sarah, the funny crazy came, later she got so drunk, got a 8 years younger boyfriend, he was sweet.

We went to the beach after ward, swinging, then back to the cabine, again drinking, and then had strawberries with milk or cream.

me and Sofia thought we should get another shower, when we went to the shower place, the door was locked. We knocked for a while, then there came the tattoo guy and his girlfriend, weird girl...

Sofia: "I think they were having sex"

They tried to open the door as well ;-)). We got in the shower was hot (lots of action I thought, and then felt a bit disgust, didn't know which one I should get in). Sofia said something to them in Swedish, then turned to me "They didn't have sex"

I said: "you asked them?"
Sofia: "yes, I just asked which one did you have sex in?, they said no"

Well...ok, I took quickly a shower

In the evening, Fox took care of the bbq and was called the "bbq master", after more drinks, we decided to wait for the sunrise at the beach, so we took blanket, and borrowed two beach chairs of the guys...Fox was a little drunk, he sang chinese, and from time to time, asked "Sofia, Thao Pham, are you sleeping?"
Me and Sofia: "No, no, keep singing" ;-)-The truth was we were sleeping, tried to protect ouselves under the blanket from the mosquitoes, and it was cold!!
Fox: "Am so happy now, I think I will go over there to swim naked, don't come,. ok?" ;-)))

He left for sometimes, and then back "I tried the water, it was quite cold", "saw a couple over there, too, I looked at them, and they looked at me, then I left"

Sofia: "I think haft of Swedes here are having sex tonite" ;-)

We left the beach again at 3am, or so, couldn't wait longer for the sunrise, it was freezing, and the mosquitoes seemed to come more and more to us...

Sofia got a cold ;-)

"I think short skirt is appropriate if we wear it with big BOATs"

23-06-2005: Figeholm-Oskarshamn

In Sweden we finally were ;-)! The sun was shining, blue sky, birds were singing, and from time to time, the wind blew briefly through the leaves of the trees created some sort of very calm and relaxing atmosphere.

I was still in bed, my eyes opened widely, looking at the ceiling, then through the window next to Sofia's bed. I thought of nothing, and everything for a moment. Then, I got up. Fox took the shower first, when I got out of the room, I saw Frederik (Sofia's brother), whom I met many times in Brussels, and her father. Then, we had breakfast: cheese, ham, the, kaffee, butter...We went for a long walk (about 3h) in Figeholm. We saw the harbour, the Baltic coast, the islands, the small forest, and then picked up wild flowers (they are so beautiful, and there are lots of flowers in Sweden) in the intention to make the flower crown for the mid-sommar feast. From time to time, we were also picking up wild strawberries, mmm sweet. Remind me when I was small in VN, for a moment, I felt like a little girl again.

About 2 pm or so, we had lunch, and we met Sofia's mom. Sofia's parents look good, very strong and healthy even though her father is already 69 years old, but he is so energetic. They are very nice, warm, friendly people. I almost felt like I was at home ;-). Of course, the fact Sofia left Sweden when she was 18, and for them the time was probably stopped, she is still their little daughter, and because we are her friends, we were also treated like princesses and prince ;-)).

One thing I noticed, Swedish men are very calm, quiet, and women are much more demanding. For instance, at Sofia's place, her father is doing dishes, everything in the house, and her mom sometimes (the impression I got was like giving order-and that not only in Sofia's house, her friends' too). I guess the equality in gender is very obvious in Sweden.

After lunch we went to Oskarshamn to see Veronica, Sofia's friends to give her our parts for the mid-sommar feast party. They booked 5 cabines (small houses outside Oskarshamn, near the coast), and there were 15 of us, so 5 in each. After Veronica, we visited the town a bit, walked around, shopping was surprisingly cheaper than in Brussels. Only when we got out of it, we realised how expensive Brussels is getting. I think the only expensive item in Sweden is alcohol, there is only one shop that can sell liquors in Oskarshamn for example.

BTW, you drive your car with the light on even during the day, and the speed limits to 30,70, 90, and max on high way is 110 (although most of them drive at 140 :-)). Your license can be taken away if you drive above 30 in area where they allow only 30.

We decided to join the group one evening ealier than planned, anyway, we paid the cabine for 3 nites. We brought our matinies, vodkas, redwines...with us. That evening we met a funny British from London named Frank, he lives in Oskarshamn for 10 years, and speaks Swedish like Swedes ;-). We drank red wine, and Veronica asked me if I wanted to try a catch, sort of cigarrette that you put under your upper lip, above the gum...I tried, the taste was quite dried, don't like it so much. I removed it before I got high ;-).

We talked about many things, mostly funny experiences and statistics.

Sofia: "apparently we fart 7 times per day"
Frank: "hmm, see Swedish they do nothing, but sitting and count their fart ;-)"
Frank: "do you celebrate mid-sommar in VN?"
me: "why? we have summer all the time" ;-)
Frank: "Are you engaged?"-pointed at my ring finger
me: "no, but I pretend to be"
Fox: "do you know where we can find home brew vodka?"
Frank: " yeah, I have a friend, remind me tomorrow, maybe we can get you some"

Olul (I think that was her name) just sat and laughed at our jokes, Veronica's boyfriend came, and they left.

Me: "where are the lovebirds?"
Frank: "I think they are doing boum boum"
Sofia: "Really?" ;-))
me: "here they are, how long was it?" ;-)))
Frank: "I guess quantity isn't important, quality is" ;-)

LOL

Sofia: "I remembered when I was in a supermarket looking for a washing powder named Le Chat, couldn't find it, so I went to ask the woman at the counter -Ou est votre chatte?-and you know the Chat in this case is the female part ;-), and she was just staring at me ;-))

We chatted in this kind of things until 2.30am in the morning, the sky got brighter again. Me and Fox left, we wanted to save energy for the next day, which we were supposed to drink the whole day.

Frank: "Have fun, guys" ;-)

I think Sofia was back after the sun rise, and she snorred ;-), I guess she drank a lot.

That was just the beginning, I fell asleep a bit later after that, I had a flash back to Belgium, thinking of someone, my job..time to sleep, I said to myself.

"Why did Sofia get on that car?" ;)

22-06-2005

Brussels South-Charleroi airport-Figeholm, Sweden

Me and Fox left work around 4.30pm, we were supposed to meet with Sofia in the South train station. Fox told me that morning he had listened to a song that put him into the holidays mood "je ne veux pas travailler, je ne veux pas dejeuner, je veux seulement oublier...je ne suis pas fier de ca...", Fox was quite excited. We got to Brussels station around 5pm or so, tried to reach Sofia but couldn't. So, we went to "Subway" to buy sandwiches, and also to Godiva to buy chocolate for Sofia's parents.

When we met Sofia and had to run fast to catch the bus to Charleroi airport, the bus left!!!! Of course, the stress level had just gone up, and when Sofia stressed, her brain also went blank I think ;-). She was running in the front, tried to make sign to the bus conductor (only later we knew) without success, and then got into a car (me and Fox were running after). When we reached the car (which we thought it was the airport shuttle, we never flew with Ryan Air before):

Sofia: "get in, get in"
Me: "I can't" and wondered why the hell does she have a baby seat in the back if she needs to drive someone to the airport? (there was a baby seat in the back of the car)
The woman: "closed the door"
Sofia: "but we are three", and turned to me "just get in"
Me: "I can't"- for a moment I thought maybe I might have fitted that baby chair ;-))
Fox: "I can't open the trunk, tell her to open the trunk" - in an irritated voice
The woman: "ferme la porte, et on va arreter le bus, et le faire retourner.."
Sofia: "ok, I will come back, guys"

When Sofia left, Fox turned to me: "was that the shuttle? why the hell did Sofia enter to that woman's car?", then we waited. Sofia walked back, obviously, it wans't the shuttle and they failed to stop the bus, the lady was really nice though, she just asked Sofia to get into her car, and tried to help ;-), we were about to decide to either take a taxi or train, then there was a guy came offered to drive us to Charleroi at the same price as the bus (he was not a black taxi driver or anything, just tried to be nice, because he had to drive his girlfriend there if she missed the bus, but she didn't ;-)). And that got him into the trouble with the taxi drivers there, so we thanked him and decided to call Luc for a drive, we gave him 40E for the gaz.

After all the hassles, we arrived in Charleroi, checked in, and the flight was ahead of schedule ;-). From the plane, it was really nice to see Sweden, very green, lots of water, pine trees, islands...and very few houses (compare to Belgium). Apparently, there are about 24 inhabitants per square km only.

We arrived in Stockholm South airport a bit earlier than expected, took our rental car, and drove to Figeholm where Sofia's summer house is. I slept on the way, so missed out the wild animals. It was about 3h car drive, and we finally reach our destinations about 2.30am ;-).

Very cute little place, wooden, warm and it gives a feeling of home, the ceiling was low, if we were a bit higher, I guess we can't walk in ;-).

I had slept very good that night

Oskarshamn-Sweden

Flying tonite to Sweden for the mid-sommer feast.

Memory stick: 512MS.

Cameras: 2

Money: 2400 Swedish Krona

Alcohol: 1 box of red wine, 1 vodka

Music: ABBA

Plans to do: forget about everything else in Belgium, enjoy the nature, tall, blond guys and lots of drinking ;-)

Duration: 4 days.

Expected outcome: come back with a fresher mind with new ideas and decisions!!!

Have taken my notebook with me, will report in details my short trip to Sweden!!!

"If that is what you want, then I can't do anything"

Me and Fox went to the new bar in Flagey on Monday, "the Guru bar" ;-). When we looked at the menu, drinks are more expensive, a cocktail costs 10E, foods are diversity, sort of fusion, and the price is low (first impression), clearyly it is a place where they get profit on drinks, not on foods...very trendy, fashionable place. However, when the foods brought to us, surprises, small portions, quite expensive for what it is, and very bad-dish decoration is good though. I ordered a tomatoes soup with basilum..., and they served it cold in a small glass-interesting but god, the taste is not a soup, sweet like a tomatoes juice-clearly, they are good at cocktails!! So, not recommended for foods definitely.

I took my uncle to indoor climbing yesterday, he is good!!! I thought he wouldn't pass the 4- (he is not so fat at the end, quite slim for his age) but he is already 5-, and I am still struggling with 5 ;-). I think he is going through a what people called "mid-life crisis", but it's positive. Maybe he just wants to cheer me up and encourage me. So, now I will go twice a week for practicing, Tuesday with Ruben and Saturday with my uncle. I have to go to Leuven after Sweden to buy my climbing shoes. I got a bit addictive to this sport, if I don't go, I miss it somehow. Probably because I meet new friends there, they talked about places that I have ever been to, their experiences in climbing..etc, and spend a couple of hours on climbing, learn new techniques, it makes me forget other things...

After that me and uncle ate quickly, and went to movie to see Batman, not so bad although sometimes, it's quite slow. I am happy that uncle still spends time with me, I wonder who is the mysterious woman that the guys are talking about? ;-) .

So, that is it, I knew it would be hard, and it will be tougher for me in the next couple of weeks (or probably forever) but someone has to make a decision, and as I am supposed to be stronger (?? he said that), I should do it. We talked about this several times already, and he is right if I am not happy, why continue to see him...Maybe I just don't want him to see me struggling with finding a job, I guess just not the unusual troubles that a local would have...Probably this job situation just happens for me to decide.

He is always ok with whatever I say, not even give a little effort in saying something like "I know it's difficult for you, but let's go through this together...". Never mind.

Men, they can't never read women correctly

"The problem is do you still have the courage?"

A lot of talking, thinking during the weekend...

I cancelled meeting with Negina yesterday, didn't feel like seeing anyone, but appreciating everybody's love and care. Although couldn't escape Ruben, he said I had to go and learnt rollerblading because it was pity to not enjoy the beautiful weather ...(although I thought I have had enough, my back is really burnt, and hurts like h*ll). Plus my uncle kicked me out of the house, also said I should go, and expected me to come back home with a fresher face... So, I went to La Cambre, did rollerblading with Ruben, and met Katherine and Anna there.

I cried a lot when I talked to my uncle, he didn't like seeing me crying... He told me he couldn't help me if I lost my courage "We can do other things, but the problem is that do you still have the courage, you can take an MBA, and run a restarant at the same time, there are many things else to do, and you are lucky to work as an independent in your age...".

The other day when I called Brian to tell him that I have to look for a new job, decide on what I have to do...When he started to re-assure that everything will be fine, that anyway I don't like the job, I just burst into tears. I know I should not think too much about it, and there is still time for me to get on what I have to in mind. But still a bit sad, a bit disappointed, a bit upset, a bit lost, a bit undecisive...It's like everything has just stopped. I guess it is normal to be that way. Brian told me that he understands that I am feeling flat, but I should get some perspective, and what I am doing is just sort of an ends to a means, what I am going through now is just one step (granted it is a very steep one) to get me to where I want to be, I will be fine, and I will live to fight again another day...I guess he is right, it all make sense what he said...

I don't why it is bothering me that much, I suppose it's the change, and everything else that also not work happens at the same time... Maybe because I have two relationships that are not working ;-), my relationship with Sony, and another, which also occupies a big part of my mind. When it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to take decisions with the emotional part of our mind, and not the rational one, which we should. I remember last year Cris came to my place several times of the week, crying for a 3 years relationship that she had had with Han, she didn't want to go out, then there came Jeremy, she is now in love and about to start a new life ;-). It hurts so much every time I think that it is ok for him that I feel sad..He will understand if I tell him not to write or see me, well he always understands, I would be surprised if he gives any objections. He probably also thinks that this is going nowhere, and it's fair for me to take the decision. He doesn't want her to get hurt I guess, must love her very much. Anyway, maybe things will work well with Brian?

This morning I received an e-mail from a member of Bootsnall, she or he? just asked about my trip in China, and wondered if I have some infos, not an expert, but I feel a little happy just to talk about holidays ;-).

Nothing special tonite, want to get some rest...mind is about to explose.

"You are very popular today"

I did out door climbing yesterday, it was amazing. The fresh air, the view, and heat of the sun tapping on my back, the sweat, the scratches...etc, it was just wonderful!

My back is completely burn by the sun, and it hurts a little when I lay on it, it was good that we started earlier otherwise it could have been worse. There are also route names when we climb outdoor, and the rock that we went to was quite new, not used to climb too much yet, so it was not so slippery. There are people who came to create the trick for climbers, and the people who came with big vacuum cleaner to clean the paths. The guy were just making fun of me when I was talking to Ruben "Tao, don't look at our *sses when we are climbing"-" Well, I wish any of you has Brad Pitt's *ss" :-))-hmm, a group of wild guys, I can see.

When I was up on the hill, I just heard my name several times, and every time someone threw the rope to the bottom, they called out "Tao" :-), Ruben said "You are obviously very popular today" ;-), quite a lot of people climbed yesterday. Adam and Rafael brought beers, and only me and Maria were girls in our group that climb, the other girl just came to see-weird; I didn't take the camera with me since I was thinking I would be busy climbing, but I could have taken it, there were plenty of good things to shoot. Anyway, I hope the Hungarian guy (forgot his name) will bring some to me on Tuesday as he said. Most of them are interns, working for the EU Commision, and the Hungarian guy told me things that are so funny. Anyway, he told me I should do the trek in Nepal, very nice but should not try the main routes, and go for the remote ones...

I thought a lot about my job, relationship when I was up on the hill, sitting on a piece of rock. I have to finish my relationship because it's not going anywhere, it is too complicated, and the best is to just finish it up. Of course, I can also focus on finding a new job, let the love matter goes but that means I am allowing myself to accept things, and as I am trying to ignore unpleasant facts, I feel worse. I won't receive any e-mails or else, then with time, I will forget. I think he has enough time to decide, he clearly chose someone he wants to spend his life time with, and I can't just be there wondering what will happen, waiting for a magician to do some magic. When I have problems, I want someone to be with me, to support me, in fact, the solution has always been there...Brian said when a guy meets the right girl, he will know it, and will act on it...I should not let my heart rules my head.

Anyway, at least one will be solved, and I will focus on my bigger issue: J-O-B

"Which magazine are you working for?" "No, I am a freelance photographer" :-)

Star Alliances' event is awesome!

There were about 600 people, and the food is prepared for 800, and yesterday it was Asian food. So, there were sushi, different sorts of noodle, lots of terrific snacks!! The Star Alliances' employees are in blue T-shirt and white pants, and all people who were invited there are in black and white. When the disco lights turn, the crowd looked very nice!

Anyway, it started with break dance performances, then live concert and a very cool group, played mostly 80's songs...I borrowed the DSCF828, professional camera from the office for yesterday, but forgot to to take my 512M memory stick at home. Thank God, Fox has his 256M with him, so he lended it to me. Although the point is to get pictures to promote the Star Alliances team, from time to time, I asked people if they wanted to have pictures together, for Star Alliances' website, it's a good idea, especially if there are pictures of general managers :-)).

When I was taking a break, a dancer came to me and asked if I took pictures of their performance. He asked for my business card, "not here, I'll see you later" :-)). Another guy came...

stranger: "which magazine are you working for?"
me: "no, I work on freelance basis, and today just here to take pictures for SA"
stranger: "who do you know from SA?"
me: "My friend works there"-getting annoyed a bit.
stranger: "my brother is a journalist, he works for De stardard"
me: "I don't know him"-agggrrrr

I excused and left, and when I was taking picture of the crowd, another guy just said "take a lots of pictures, ok, we are posing for you"-I thought I heard "we are paying you", but managed to calm down and asked again what he was saying... phew, misunderstanding solved. A group of guys want me to take a picture for them, a bunch of horny guys...

SA gave out prize draws, of course, mostly air-tickets to some destinations, Portugal is a new member, and they gave 4 tickets to Brazil, Lufthansa gave out tickets to any destinations that they fly to worldwide. The only airline that gave very low prize is Thai Airway, man, they proposed a good Thai dinner in a Thai restaurant :-). I was expecting Singapoor airlines to give out tickets to Singapoor or somewhere in Asia, but a romantic weekend somewhere...

I finished my job after the prize draw, when I went upstairs just to avoid the crazy crowd...The GM of Austrian (I recognised him when he gave Austrian airline's tickets to someone) came...

GM: "Are you a journalist?"
Me: "No, I am just here to take pictures, photographer of the nite"-realised , I couldn't lie this time.
GM: "I saw you walking around"
GM: "where are you from?"
Me: "VN, do you have flights to VN?" -well, stupid question, I should know it best
GM: "No, but I have my favourite VNese restaurant here in Brussels"
me: "which one?"
GM: "Little Asia"
me: "yeah, it's a nice one" -I don't like that restaurant
GM: "I am general manager of Austrian airline" -hmm, do I care?
me: "I know, I saw you"

Cristine was standing next to me, when I turned to her, she whisperred :"maybe I should leave you alone, you are having a lot of success tonite :P". But we left together :-), found Sofia and her colleagues at the bar, I knew Sofia had a fight with an Austrian before, so I asked if it was that guy, and it turned out it was him :-), then Sofia added "but, yeah, i think he has eyes for you", "well, i am definitely not interested in general manager" :-)

We went downstairs to dance a bit, and as Cris turned out to be "tired", I decided to leave with her...Off from work today, decide to take a break, work on CV, and sort out things...Damn, I am in a huge mess.


I hate myself so much...I think I just asked for extra trouble when my job situation is in jeopardy. Now I have to deal with both relationship and job!! Perfect combination when it comes to most unpleasant experiences. Now what? I am feeling guilty towards another person, and the relationship is going nowhere! Why Why Why Thao??? Maybe feeling guilty is less but the fear of getting hurt so much more is unbearable. After all, I will be the one who has to bear the pain alone, this has always been very clear.

Brian comes in july, and he still doesn't tell me exactly when, "it's a surprise". I really wonder what he has become, have to call him back tonite to give news about job, almost certain he would say "so, I am coming at the right time, then?". Brian has a good sense of humour, not a typical American, probably because he travels and read a lot...Still remember the last time we saw each other, Brian said "let's keep in touch, you are a good girl that I almost ever met, i don't want to lose you either as a friend or anything else", very sweet.

Frustration, frustration, frustration...

School nite in Gent

It is a sunny, warm day, but I feel VERY lonely, cold, and gloomy. I am completely down! I rarely feel bad continually...I am on the down slope of a curve, or at the beginning of the crossroad, where I have to decide which way to go, the worse is I have to do this in ALL aspects of my life. People say everything happens for the best or for a reason, and I hope all the problems, issues that I am facing now will help me to have a better view on things. I am not good at anything, never manage to finish things I want to finish, not follow my plans...

My contract with Sony won't be renewed after July. Although I had somehow foreseen this would happen a few months ago (I do not have a lot of projects to do, and the fact that I am not busy at all...), this news is affecting me emotional somehow. Well, they can't give me a permanent contract because of budget, and according the labour law, they can't keep me on 1 year contract for another time. And yes, they are looking for other vacancies available within other department in Sony for me, but I don't have faith in that.

So, I now face a tough time a head: finding a job or go back? Of course, finding a job is in my control, but getting hired is another story. If I can't find anything, I will be unemployed (God, that stresses me!), that's mean nobody will see me for at least a few months until I figure out my ways. So, I will disappear completely for a while if I can't find anything by end of August. Everybody has their own issues, maybe even more serious, am not going to burden them with mine.

Regardless of issues, I had a good time trying my first Nepal experience in Gent: food ;-). Amazingly good, I had vegetables curry with rice, and the Nepali tea (very good, I love it although it doesn't have any taste of tea!!!). The restaurant is beautiful from the toilet to the dining room, it gives a feeling like you travel to Nepal for a short time. After that, heading to a small, cosy local bar that serves hundreds of different tastes of jenever, I tried passion, and guave taste mmmm, I can still feel my head starts turning now that I am thinking about it. Gent is definitely a cool place to hang out, beautiful old architectures, calm...Also went to this really nice bar called "limonada", it is a young type of bar, with small couches, which you can easy feel asleep in (I almost did), quite big, quite ok music and the drinks are reasonable. I had a great time, good company, funny, interesting conversations...What's else to ask for? ;-)

Was home around 1.30am in the morning, but actually slept at "not know when"...Too many things on my mind, and I am exhausted. I am a bad person, why do I have to be the one who wear the other woman's shoes?

Brian called, left a message, couldn't reach me at home...

we passed by this beautiful castle 

Fox shot this pic under water with marine pack 

With Carlos